Granola Bars and Peanut Butter

I know, I know, It's been a while

2011-05-09T21:30:00.002-05:00

I'm posting!! I know that each and every one of you have been anxiously awaiting a new blog post, so here is a little update on my life. I have the best intentions of doing this more often, but for now, just accept this new post with my apologies.

I'm going to be a student again! Unlike many of my friends growing up, school was my haven. Not a place I had to go, but a place I liked to go. I'm good at being a student, and I get to take my place in the classroom once again. For what, you ask? Nursing school!! I'm going to start my pre-reqs at Nashville State Community College this summer, finish them up in the Fall, then hopefully start nursing school at Belmont University in Spring 2012. I'll be doing the accelerated nursing program there, so I will graduate in Spring 2013. Crazy, but true!

Being back in the classroom will be quite a blessing. It's a place where I thrive and where I find my center. And learning about scienc-y things will be great, too! I'm excited and nervous about the prospect of trying to enter an over-saturated market (here in Nashville, for sure) in a bad economy, but I feel that this journey will help me help, and that's just what I want to do.

Sweet CeCe's is going well- Samantha (our General Manager) asked me to be her assistant, so I am going to be taking on a few more responsibilities, which will be nice. I adore the girls I work with and I have been so blessed to meet some fantastic people who are regular customers. On the days I most need it, I find encouragement and support from everyone around me on so many levels. Life is good.

I've also been blessed with a great Life Group from my congregation here in Nashville. It's a group made up from the Singles Focus class at Harpeth Hills, and they are fabulous! I'm so glad that Ashley found such a great church and that I decided to tag along with her when I got here.

I really don't have much else in the way of news. I feel like I've abandoned my dear blog for too long, though, and I really do want to change that. Keep checking in!

Be blessed. Love!

Story

2010-12-06T22:24:00.004-06:00

"I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims rather than grateful participants."

I'm reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. The subtitle is: What I learned while editing my life, and the book is, so far, about Donald Miller's journey to turning Blue Like Jazz into a movie. He's struggling with how to write a screenplay about a memoir he wrote about himself.

Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan, has a podcast that I listen to quite regularly. I never thought I would be the kind of person to listen to sermons and NPR voluntarily, but I have become that girl. A few months ago, there was an interview with Peter Rollins who has some fantastic ideas about story and the significance stories/parables play in our lives. In the interview, he talks about how we aren't really the person we think we are. Our vision of ourselves is greatly skewed- the person we present to the world and the person we truly are inside are very different people.

Now for Donald Miller, trying to write a screenplay about the individual portrayed in his memoir is bringing this dualistic nature of us to the forefront of his consciousness. He has this image of the person in the book, a cool person who has it all together and who doesn't doubt himself, but this person called Don isn't really Donald Miller, even though it is. It's a fascinating read, and I'm really enjoying it, but the quote at the beginning of this post is really what stuck out to me. Because don't we all want to be the heroes of our stories? The answer is yes. The harder questions is: ARE we being the heroes of our own stories? For me, the answer is quite often a resounding no.

I feel like I've lost a bit of my writing voice. I don't know how to say what I want to say, but I'm hoping you can feel what I'm trying to say. I'm ending this post with a challenge:

Live courageously. Live your story in such a way that people see God working through you as His magnificent creation and are drawn to Him. Love. Laugh. Smile. Give time, give energy, give your heart. Be where you are, and be the best you can be NOW, not later. Write a story worth telling.

Breaking the Silence

2010-10-22T19:21:00.006-05:00

Today, I'm breaking my blogging silence. In my head, I've been breaking my blogging silence for about three months now, but I realize that does no good for those of you who aren't in my head... which is all of you. So, here it is.

It's a story, actually. It starts with a young girl who had just finished her Freshman year of college going to a new place with only one other person she knew (and him only a little bit). Fourteen hours north of her hometown, she went to the North Woods to counsel at a Christian youth camp for two months, with no cell phone, only one hour of internet time a day, and a dream of seeing a moose.

When this girl got to the North Woods, she fell in love with the natural beauty surrounding her. She fell in love with (most of) the other counselors she was to be working with. She fell in love with her cabin (Cabin 3, even though it smelled like a weird maple syrup sometimes). And she eventually fell in love with absolutely everything else.

Despite the incredible number of loved things this post could be about, I'm narrowing it down (just in case you missed it, I'm the girl in the story). This post is about one of the two directors whose love kept me going throughout my three years as a counselor: Scott McEndree.

I honestly don't remember when I first met Scott. If I was to venture a guess, I would say it was probably about Sunday at 10:00 am right before the first week of Teen Camp. At this point, I had been at Flaming Pine Youth Camp for a week, going through counselor training, so I was comfortable. However, our first counselor meeting with Mr. McEndree found me as the proud caretaker of twelve 16-year-old girls, putting me in my place. It was Scott's first time directing Teen Camp, and he was armed with wonderful things, including a t-shirt for the Bible award winners from the session. At a camp where t-shirts aren't guaranteed, this was HUGE. Most importantly, he was armed with love and energy, ready to take on the two-week marathon that is Teen Camp.

At that point in my life, I acted like I knew I would be amazing at counseling, but I didn't really know that any more than anyone knows they'll be amazing at something before they've shown themselves and the world that they can be. That was a confusing sentence that basically translates to "I wasn't sure about anything other than my name for that first session." Having Scott in my corner gave me the courage to keep going that year. He acted as mediator when I had trouble with another counselor, as cheerleader when I felt like I was failing, and as friend when I just needed someone to care. The third year I counseled, Scott had finished his final round of chemo from his second bout with cancer two weeks before camp, and he still came. His courage and perseverance as a director gave me the courage and perseverance I often needed during Teen Camp (it's not easy, you know).

His beautiful wife and amazing children were always a bright spot in my weeks up at camp. The way Bonita interacts with her kids always left me in awe of how effective a soft-spoken word to well-behaved children can be. One of my favorite memories of Scott and his kids was the time we were standing in the Togo Dome when Mac and Rhone entered. They came running to Scott yelling, "Daddy, daddy, daddy!" hugging him before running to play basketball or something like that. As they ran off, Scott got a wistful look in his eye, and I asked him what was wrong. "Someday, they won't be that excited to see me," he answered.

Scott passed away one year ago today. The man who was determined that I get married someday because I "would make a great mom," the man who often mortally embarrassed me by making comments to his friend Kyle about me, the man who gave me hope for obnoxious boys everywhere (claiming that he had once been one, and I needn't worry), the man who believed that I was a great counselor, died after a long battle with cancer. I was blessed to get to see him the January before on a trip to Minnesota for Harding. I got to stay up late and talk with him and Bonita before I headed back to Arkansas the next morning, and it was fantastic. He had just been diagnosed with cancer for the third time, but he was just as wonderful as always. It was great to get to see the McEndrees in a different setting than camp. They took me upstairs to see the kids' rooms where Scott had built this AMAZING structure to serve as playground/bed. Basically, totally the room I would have wanted as a kid, second only to the PINK walls and bunk bed I actually had.

Scott is home. And while this post isn't everything I want it to be (not even close), it IS about a wonderful man who I love and miss. A wonderful man who many love and miss. It is such a blessing to know Who is in charge of this crazy world.

Love.

My New Job

2010-07-06T20:59:00.003-05:00

Well, the day has come... I'm a grown up. I have a grown up job, I'm about to rent my first apartment, and I have monthly bills. Oh, and I'm apparently supposed to have my own insurance now, too. I know it's been too long since I wrote on my beautiful blog, but I wanted to give an update on what I'm doing now.

I live in Nashville, TN, and I work for a company called Orange, LTD. Orange is a direct marketing company who directly markets for Quill.com, which is an office supplies website. It really is a good company, so I'm happy about what I'm "directly marketing" but it's basically a cold-calling sales job. There are some amazing things about doing this incredibly difficult job though. I will now list/explain a few of them:

1. I am learning how to deal with all sorts of people. When your method of sales is "tight to the right" and attempting to hit every business in a given zip code, you meet all kinds of people. Since this is my job, I am blessed enough to have this as a daily option... or requirement. My goal is to keep smiling, no matter how unfriendly some people are.

2. I am learning how to get out of my comfort zone. Some people are born with the ability to sell. My brother was one of those- he used to constantly be the top seller in his troop for Boy Scout popcorn. I, on the other hand, hated fund-raising, even for good reasons. I didn't even like fund-raising to go to Africa last year. Asking for money, even in exchange for a good or service is not something I've ever been good at. While this job isn't fund-raising, that's what little box people immediately put me in the second I walk into their office; their perceptions make it hard for me to believe something different about myself. While I work through their perceptions, I'm working on labeling myself to myself as a "business consultant..." which is actually what I'm doing!

3. I am going to learn how to let things slide off of my back. "It's business, it's not personal" is something I'm going to have to learn VERY quickly in this job. That's really all I have to say about that.

4. I'm going to learn how to better organize/utilize my time. This position is completely commission based and about 80% of my day is spent outside of the office in the field. This means how I do is completely dependent on me. The Law of Averages means that if I see enough prospective customers, I'll eventually sign enough, too. But in order to see enough I must discipline myself to make it to those doors. I also have to ensure that my notes from each day are in an organized state so that I can get where I need to be when I need to be there. While I think I'm good at organizing and utilizing my time, this will only reinforce good habits.

I'm blessed. I know this. But since I've gotten this job, I've had to constantly remind myself of this fact. I'm terrified of a completely commission based sales job, but I know that I can do it, and I know that if I stick to it, the rewards of the position will be great. Please pray for my continued perseverance, though, because every day is an uphill battle for me at this point.

To come: A beautiful post on my new living situation! It doesn't belong on this post, because it's just so awesome, it should get its own shout-out! Be excited!!

Nashville is My New Home

2010-06-26T08:28:00.004-05:00

I leave for Nashville in less than half an hour. It's not college, it's not a year-long commitment... it's a "real" job. I wish I could counsel at camp or take classes forever, but that's just not how it works, so here I am, a lot of my stuff packed up and ready to go, not crying but only because I'm borderline dehydrated from all of the crying I've already done.

I'm excited, don't get me wrong. I just wish I could be closer to home. Except, I don't really wish that, because I was looking for jobs in Nashville. Until I had the position offered to me, I wanted to live in Nashville. Then I cried a lot. BUT it's a new experience! Historically, I've rocked new experiences, so I plan to do no less for this one.

Wish me luck. And give me a call if you think about it- 8 hours is a long time.

At Least We didn’t Get Stuck in Accra

2010-05-04T02:50:00.002-05:00

I am in London. It is 10:35 pm, I’m listening to Shrek the Musical and finally regaining feeling in my toes and fingers. My eyes are droopy with exhaustion, and all of my bags (backpack, purse, and drum) are hooked together. The floors are being extensively cleaned, and I have migrated through three different spots throughout the day. What is this new adventure? Missing our flight by literally less than a minute.

See, here at Heathrow, they have a rule that you have to be through security 35 minutes before your departure. When the girls and I got into Heathrow at 6:30am and decided to go into London proper, a lady helped us with our tickets and communicated that to us, telling us to aim for an hour earlier. What we heard, though, was “Make sure you’re at security at least 35 minutes before.” Now, I understand that we were cutting it close with that, don’t get me wrong. We just didn’t realize we would regret those extra seconds in the left baggage line.

London was glorious, and we made it back to the airport in time to get through security. But a series of things that took three seconds too long got us a, “Sorry it’s too late” at the gate. I don’t know if you can imagine living in a developing country for eight months as a fresh college graduate female who is just ready to get home who “slept” on the plane the night before, but I bet you can at least imagine that with me involved, many emotions were then introduced into the mix. Fortunately, a beautiful lady with customer service aided us in getting our tickets changed for free, which was helpful. However, I also had a Delta flight to get me back to STL from ATL, and since I got it off of Orbit for a fantastic price, I ended up just having to buy another, very expensive, stressful ticket. Our itinerary is the same, though, so all that changes is my mom and dad come a day later to pick me up.

How do I feel about this? I’m so glad you asked. I feel glad, stressed, upset, poor, irresponsible, responsible, silly, depressed, anxious, exhausted, relieved, grateful, loved, stinky, and adventurous. Glad, because the girls and I have been absolutely forced to sit back and relax. We don’t even have free WiFi, so our time is literally full of nothing in particular to do but eat, talk, and process. I don’t know how many of my readers are familiar with the concept of reverse culture shock, but it has something to do with coming from Africa where my feet were always dirty to London where this Zamboni looking thing has passed me going over the same patch of floor four times now. I had Starbucks, was cold, and was not the visible minority today. Weird things happen in an individual’s brain when a cultural change is made, and the girls and I just made a ginormous leap. As Nicole says, we entered the “magic portal” (airport) and travelled into a different world/time. Even short term missions often have symptoms of culture shock... Eight months is a while.

When I called my mom, she was utterly sympathetic, not upset at all, worried for me, and asked me what I needed. She just loved me in the way I needed. That’s where all of those good feelings in that last paragraph come from. The ones like stressed and upset, I bet you can imagine. I feel poor in the financial sense only; there are so many blessings in this situation. I’m stuck in London rather than Accra (where I hardly feel safe during working hours and the security guards constantly hit on us), I’m with two of my closest friends, my mom loves me and can support me financially when I need aid, my friends’ parents/siblings responded with grace and offers of helping hands. I’m exhausted because, I mean, who can actually sleep on a plane? Really. Relieved and grateful for our parents’ reactions and the help the staff here have given us. Stinky because travelling for three days doesn’t wear well on anyone. Adventurous because I’m about to sleep in an airport.

Airports stress me out. They really do. I don’t know why other than exactly what happened today- mistakes cost you in time, money, and stress levels. Trains aren’t like that, or at least not as extreme. With planes, you spend hours and hours getting your bags packed just so, and then you pay extra money for the extra pound that somehow was still there. If you miss your plane, there really aren’t alternatives that are viable, especially not here where my goal is to get from London to Atlanta. Talk about stressful. I was working to analyze this experience, and I’ve come to the conclusion that while my various airport experiences might have the effect of easing future flights/pre-flight stress. However, I don’t think that’s the effect at all- I think it’s having the effect of making me a permanent Stateside resident for a while. It’s not that I’m scared to be here or to be sleeping here. I feel completely safe, I really do. I know I can protect myself, and I know I’m going to be ok. It’s just the pre-stress, and now the prolonged stress that just glares into my being. I didn’t cry until I talked to my mom on Skype... Then I lost it. I just want to be home.

I'M COMING!!

In London!!

2010-05-03T03:45:00.001-05:00

We're in London, on our way to Atlanta. Safe and sound so far, and hopefully we make it the whole way. I'm sitting in a Starbucks in flipflops in 40 degree weather, but my heart is happy! Pray for continued safe travels and no major issues, particularly with my huge African drum!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Happy Birthday, Daddy!!

2010-04-21T11:40:00.000-05:00

It's my dear father's birthday today- if you talk to him, see him, or are friends with him on Facebook, please be sure to wish him a hearty "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"

More Wisdom From Children's Literature

2010-04-20T13:11:00.001-05:00

We have moved to half days in school. The fourth grade class only has one test and one “investigation” left to do, and then we’re finished for the year! It’s crazy to think so much time has gone by... It’s almost been a year since my grand ol’ Harding days.   After our Oxford Book of Illustrated Poems was finished, I borrowed Shel Silverstein’s Where the Sidewalk Ends from the Kennell household and not a school day has passed since without a poem. Today’s poems were intense for me to read. Perhaps I’m simply emotional and connecting with these poems because of life circumstances, or perhaps I am not alone in the world and Mr. Silverstein has been able to express what’s in my heart even when I cannot. I could take the time to explain why each of these is so profound to me, but I’d rather just let you love them for what they say to you. Enjoy!

From Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

“Just Me, Just Me”

Sweet Marie, she loves just me
(She also loves Maurice McGhee).
No she don’t, she loves just me
(She also loves Louise Dupree).
No she don’t, she loves just me
(She also loves the willow tree).
No she don’t, she loves just me!
(Poor, poor fool, why can’t you see
She can love others and still love thee.)

“The One Who Stayed”

You should have heard the old men cry,
You should have heard the biddies
When that sad stranger raised his flute
And piped away the kiddies.
Katy, Tommy, Meg and Bob
Followed, skipping gaily,
Red-haired Ruth, my brother Rob,
And little crippled Bailey,
John and Nils and Cousin Claire,
Dancin’, spinnin’, turnin’
‘Cross the hills to God knows where-
They never came returnin’.
‘Cross the hills to God knows where
The piper pranced, a leadin’
Each child in Hamlin Town but me,
And I stayed home unheedin’.
My papa says that I was blest
For if that music found me,
I’d be witch-cast like all the rest.
This town grows old around me.
I cannot say I did not hear
That sound so haunting hollow-
I heard, I heard, I heard it clear...
I was afraid to follow.”

Winding Down

2010-04-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I’m writing this on Friday, April 16, 2010, and I leave for Accra, Ghana (where we fly out of) in 15 days. I land in Missouri in 17 days, and I get to see people in Searcy in 18! I am absolutely stunned that 8 months have gone by so quickly... Absolutely stunned. I really don’t know what to feel or think or dwell on, but I do know that I love the team/our other friends here and leaving will not be an easy thing. I’m sitting here watching my kids work on their 118th math lesson’s homework, and I’m wondering what I’m going to do without them. It’s actually making my eyes well up, so I’m going to move on and stop dwelling on it!

I’ve already packed one trunk and partially packed a second. The girls and I have made arrangements to have a Papa John’s pizza waiting for us in Atlanta when we land (thanks wonderful Cannon parents!) and my mom is bringing pillows to the airport for Sarah and I to crash on in the car on the drive home. Yesterday at ladies’ prayer time, we planned our Open House and the 6th grade girls’ tap recital. I still have to make the costumes for that beautiful event. I’m also the official slideshow choreographer, so I have a collection of pictures to put in a glorious order with fantastic music to accompany them... Maybe even a few videos. The Millers’ grandmother is coming and will be here for Open House, which is nice- I’m always happy to let family in on the goings on at school. We have a week of half days next week, which also happens to be “Spirit Week” full of dress-up days, and (surely) laughter and fun.   I can’t see how the events of the next two weeks are going to help me say goodbye.

I love you.

Test Day Blog

2010-04-03T16:20:00.005-05:00

My beautiful children are on Test 20 in their math curriculum. This means that for about an hour, I get to sit here, listen to my “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” podcast, and constantly remind my kids to “Work, guys! Seriously, you need to pay attention to your test, and don’t get distracted. Please, just work...” It also means that, if I so choose, I have time to write a good blog, rather than the small and insignificant ones I’ve been giving you lately. So, here is my Test Day Blog!

The dust rolled back in a couple of weeks ago. What this means for us is that our house is very dusty. Very, very, very dusty. As in, you can see everywhere anyone’s foot has touched all over the house, even though our houseworker, Abla, mopped on Saturday. It’s something we’re getting used to, but something I’ll be very happy to not have as a part of my daily life when I move back to the States. For someone who has developed into a compulsively clean individual, it’s difficult for me to deal with the constant dust problem that we’ve had for the whole year, but especially now, when I can hardly see to the house across the street because the dust is so thick. Imagine driving through thick fog. That’s what this is, except it’s not low water particles, it’s dirt! Of course, right before the dusty came back, I had dusted all of our windows of their accumulated dust. Frustrating? I think so!

I learned to knit! Sarah taught me after we visited Tiffany’s house and the kitting-fever caught. I have to say, sitting in the living room with my roommates, with me crocheting and Sarah knitting, is scarily like a movie scene of old ladies hanging out. As Bethany put it, we looked “matronly.” Of course then you realize the movie we’re watching is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs or Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium and the “matronly” label changes a bit.

Last week, Sarah and I went over to the Shanks’ house to have a Wallace and Gromit party with Mr. Joshua Shanks. It was marvelous! Tiffany made waffles, complete with syrup and strawberries for toppings, and we ended up trading many many recipes after the party was over and Joshua went to bed. I also got Newsies put on my computer, which is super nice because I apparently didn’t think it was necessary to bring to Africa!! Goodness, that was a nasty shock! Anyway, Tiffany and Jesse are always so welcoming and Joshua is always such a joy- I truly love going to their house.

It’s Spring Sing weekend, and as a Spring Sing junkie I’m a little sad. I really do love Spring Sing, and it’s weird to know that I’m removed from the process now. I’ve seen the Chio/DGR show on YouTube, and it looks good- I’m cheering from Togo for them to place first!! It’s weird to not know any of their competition, though... So weird.

Things I love about Spring Sing:
Glitter in the Benson
Glitter in the McInteer
Glitter in the classrooms
Glitter on the stage
Glitter all over campus
Glitter all over my room
Glitter all over my clothes
Glitter in my hair
Glitter on people who aren’t even in Spring Sing’s faces :)
Glitter in every bathroom near the Benson
Ensemble’s amazingness
Fast dances
Watching guys dance well on stage
Visitors on campus
The Student Center after performances
Dancing on stage in the Benson
Getting ready in a room not made for a dressing room
Our beaux and the amazing stress relief they provide
Amazing Benson stage-makeup!!!
Seeing all of the creative costumes
Knowing how much energy the directors have put into a show and seeing the show do well
Ms. Cindee and Dr. Frye
The sound Keds make on the Benson stage
The way Keds feel on the Benson stage
The finale
United We Stand... I cannot believe I’m missing that song
Friends!!

Anyway, I feel silly making a list like that, but I wanted to, so I did. I am sad, but I’m happy to be where I am, so I’m good. Today after school, the sixth grade girls and I have dance class- we’ve almost finished our Rockin’ Robin dance, and I’m excited to finish it completely. It doesn’t replace Spring Sing in my life, but it does go far in making me feel ok about missing this weekend in Searcy. Love you, girls!!  Other random tidbits: I made chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream from a Ben and Jerry’s recipe... And it was AMAZING! We finally visited the seamstress who was doing a lot of stuff for us, and I now have some really cute new stuff. My mom and grandmother both had surgery within the past two weeks- both surgeries went well, and both Mom and Grandma are doing well. Last night at the Hangen’s house, we watched a show called “Top Gear” and it was hilarious- I feel I must have BBC access in my life. I’ve often wondered why I wasn’t born British, and I think I’ve come to an answer- if I had been born there, I wouldn’t love the accent as much as I do. Seriously. I’ve been having the most random dreams- I’ve dreamed about extensive remodeling in the Honors House and a spontaneous color guard show at a JC homecoming. Bethany’s parents are going to meet us at the airport in Atlanta with PIZZA!!!!! There are some lizards that have decided that they should live on the stairs we have to walk on every time we go to our apartment- they are providing a lot of stress in my life. I have a stye- it hurts. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is adorable, and one of my new favorite children’s movies. I am applying at Barnes and Noble for the summer/fall- cross your fingers.

I hope everyone is doing well- I’m sorry these posts are becoming so few and far between. I started writing this blog last week, though, so know I’m trying!   LOVE!

This is a picture of me with our apartment pliers. I used them to change the gas can you can kind of see behind me. Also, note the super short hair!

Within the Last Seven Days...

2010-03-20T14:24:00.005-05:00

... I had a bunch of clothes stolen from the back of the Kennell's truck.
... I finished Alias season 4.
... I read The Lost Symbol, by Dan Brown.
... My computer's external speakers stopped working.
... I made amazing wheat bread.
... We got a new A/C put into our room.
... I slept with long pants and a hoodie on.
... I made part of a grocery list in French.
... I had a dream about Tory kidnapping me and taking me to a Princess camp.
... We've gone multiple days without running water.
... I woke up to fog... that turned out to be massive amounts of dust.
... I have made some solid plans for my Stateside adventure.
... I have gotten one week closer to seeing my parents.
... I have almost popped in my Spring Sing video at least four times.
... Our candles wilted. Literally wilted. They looked like how I felt. Pictures to come.
... I have talked to some of my dearest friends on Facebook and Skype.
... I have taught a dance class in which Caleb (cute 3 year old on the team) joined in for a while.
... I have (hopefully) done a more permanent job fixing our bedroom door handle.
... I have experienced post-lizard attack stress syndrome, that implements itself in the form of extreme skittishness in the presence of lizards... which is mildly interesting and highly entertaining in Kara.
... I have a renewed passion for owning a dog soon.
... I watched Fireproof and while I still shudder at some of the acting, I totally see the merit of the movie, and recommend it to everyone.
... I got to talk to Ryan!
... I chipped a tooth and talked to my dentist from Africa. Yeah, I'm cool.
... I have started actively looking forward to driving my car again.
... I have seriously considered living in Alabama, Texas, Minnesota, and Missouri.
... And I have counted my blessings that I have so many people who love me.

I love you.

The Week

2010-03-11T11:36:00.002-06:00

Just so you know, I’m eating Gobstoppers sent in a package by my lovely mother, and it’s kind of fantastic. It’s the little things :)

Last week was Spring Break for Kara Christian Academy. Sarah, Bethany, Andrea, Becky, April, Grace, Nicole, and I climbed in the car and set out for Accra, Ghana. Approx. 11 hours later, we got to the Baptist Guesthouse (Baptism Guesthouse, if you ask some of my coworkers) and checked in. Then... we went to the mall. Yes, the mall! With stores and a food court and even a movie theater! It also has a (fake) Apple store, but even though it was fake, it was marvelous. We got some groceries, then at at an amazing restaurant called Rhapsodies. I had some wonderful pasta with chicken and a cream based sauce. Goodness, it was amazing. We went back to the guesthouse and slept like babies.

The next day, we at breakfast at the guesthouse, then headed back to the mall. After some more time there, Andrea took April, Bethany, Sarah, and I to a store called Wild Gecko where we shopped and looked at super cool amazing African souvenirs. We finished up there, then picked up the other three from the mall and went back to the guesthouse to clean up (it’s very easy to get stinky here. It’s warm, and humid in Accra). Our evening consisted of dinner at “the chicken place” in the mall’s food court, then Did You Hear about the Morgans?, a super cute movie about a couple put into the witness protection program. Can I just say that it was an interesting feeling being in a movie theater in Africa? It was a good movie, though, and I really enjoyed our time in Accra. However, Accra wasn’t the highlight of our trip.

The next morning, after a breakfast run with Andrea, and some extra time in town getting various things (like gelato!), we left for Coconut Grove. We had a fairly uneventful drive there, then drove into a beautiful resort. We got our stuff in our rooms, and went into the conference room where our retreat group was already singing worship songs. The table with my small group was, of course, at the front of the room, so I walked up there and sat down, in time to listen to the speaker for the night, Becky. We broke for dinner, which was very yummy, and went back into the room for our first night’s fun activity. It was a great ice breaker and one of my favorite ones of my life so far!

I was rooming with Sarah and we loved the A/C that cooled room 21 off more than you can imagine. It was nice to come back to it every break. For the rest of the retreat, we swam in the ocean, we swam in the pool, we made wonderful friends, we sang songs, we prayed, we were pampered, we were counseled, and we were loved. I don’t want to write about the details, for a couple of reasons, but I would love to talk to anyone about it individually. Just know that it was lovely and wonderful and perfect for all of us. I made some new friends who are in a very similar place as I am in life, teaching in Africa as young single women, and it was a beautiful thing.

  Some personal interesting facts from the retreat: I got to play in the ocean which was great, although I got a big bruise on my back from a particularly strong wave followed by another one that caught me off guard. I got to meet with someone and talk about grief and how to deal with it in a healthy way. I went to a great seminar on grief and transition and loss. I had my toenails painted orange. I worked out for three mornings in a row by the pool overlooking the beach. I watched some Olympic figure skating with my roommates and Dana, a new friend who lives and teaches in Ghana. And I chopped my hair off. See picture of myself and my new amazing hair, along with my hair stylist friend, Stephanie, and my pedicurist, Blair!

 It’s nice to be back, but this retreat was very important at this point in my life. It was so wonderful to meet the amazing ladies who were there, and I loved making new friends.

Too Much

2010-03-03T16:20:00.002-06:00

I see myself as a smiler. Joy, that runs deep in my heart, brings a smile to my face ALL THE TIME. This morning a nice man at the guesthouse I'm currently at in Accra, Ghana responded to my "Good morning!" with, "Good morning, Smiley!" We are on our way to Coconut Grove, which is also in Ghana, for a ladies' retreat, which I am incredibly excited about.

Fun paragraph:
Last night, we went to the mall. It's a mall. With ATMs, a food court, and stores. And A/C. We ate really good food. Today, we went back to the mall and I had ice cream and went to a grocery/miscellaneous store and I ate in the food court. Then, we went to this super cool African store. And tonight, after a shower, we went to dinner and a movie. Yes, all in Ghana! It was great.

Serious paragraph, so you can know what I need prayers/love/more prayers for:
I'm desperately lonely. I'm surrounded by lovely ladies who I love, and I know I'm blessed. I know my parents love me, and I could start a list of friends who love me, but it would be really long. But you know those times when you just don't feel it? Today/most of this month has been like that. It's really not fun. I'm not sure what's going on, other than I'm in an interesting position in life without any real stability and as a planner, it's eating me alive.

Today, when I was writing this blog in my head at the mall, I was humming. I kept humming and humming and humming this same song, a song my beautiful and wonderful French teacher, Essowe, taught Bethany and I to remember the days of the week. I have absolutely no idea why I was singing it, because Ghana is a former British colony, so I haven't even had to use French the past two days. The main part of the song repeats, "Jesus is my friend" over and over, and then it goes into, "My friend on Monday, My friend on Tuesday, etc." I said I didn't know why it was stuck in my head, but I guess that's not entirely true- I do know why I was singing it: God was trying to remind me that even when I feel friendless (which once again, I realize very much that I am absolutely not friendless by any stretch of the imagination), I'm not. He's always there.

We are loved.

Ode to Pink

2010-02-28T10:14:00.002-06:00

Last night, I went over to the Miller’s house with Sarah to celebrate AnnaMarie’s third birthday with the family, complete with pink rice for our taco pile-up. Now, if you know AnnaMarie, which most likely you don’t, you know she’s one of the most animated three year olds ever, and she loves pink. She has this amazing ability to make me laugh, usually over the dinner table, as she makes faces at me and says things that are out of the blue. I truly adore this child... And she truly adores the color pink.

I brought my iPhone to Africa. It’s served me well throughout my time here, and I really love having it. Well, when I first got here, I let the kids play with it often, and AnnaMarie was no exception. She knows how to make pictures bigger and change the landscape- she’s a three-year-old technological genius who is growing up in Africa. Somehow, it came about that when you would ask her what she wanted for Christmas, it was a “peent iPhone.” Alas, Santa did not deliver on that wish, and she did not end up with a pink iPhone, but she still smiles :)

Because of her and her brother, Asher’s, amazing ability to make me laugh whenever and wherever, I asked them earlier this year, “Someday, when I’m a big businesswoman, and I work in a boring office, will you two come and make me laugh? Anna, you could be my pink bubble of happiness.” Since that time, she will randomly bring up how she’s my pink bubble of happiness. On our drive to Pendjari, she was explaining to me how her Kelly doll was her pink bubble of happiness and she was my pink bubble of happiness, just randomly and completely unprompted. Sometimes when she’s upset about something, I’ll just say, “Now where’s my pink bubble of happiness?” and she’ll struggle to not smile, but you can tell she’s trying to figure out how to be my pink bubble of happiness with a frown on her face.

As I type this, I’m about to leave for Anna’s birthday party, which is sure to be very pink and adorable. I’m sitting in a pink shirt with a pink pagne. I considered wearing my Crocs, but as it’s super super hot, I don’t really feel like constricting my feet to my Crocs. So I’ll wear my Nike flip-flops and eat the pink popcorn I made (oh yes, pink popcorn!).

  Happy Birthday, AnnaMarie!

The Waterfall

2010-02-10T12:05:00.002-06:00

On the way home from safari, we stopped at a waterfall for lunch and swimming. It’s this little tourist trap place with a restaurant and a beautiful waterfall that you have to climb up to. Sarah and I went with the Kennell girls/Mark, the Reeves clan, and the Miller clan to the swimming hole at the base of the fall. As Mark told me on the way up, it’s the most perfect place ever to reenact the Lost episode where Kate and Sawyer find the case of guns. He was right, but I’m not sure I would have gotten in the water if I thought there were dead bodies at the bottom of the pool.

So, here we are, in this lovely little cove, swimming in the brilliantly blue water, enjoying the wonderful coolness. I swam across toward the waterfall with Maddie, following Aidan and Matt to a little bunch of rocks that they started to climb up. Matt jumped off of the little rock ledge, then it was Aidan’s turn. He was a little hesitant, and I was worried he would jump weirdly and hit a rock, so I climbed up to where he was to point to where he should land and to give him a little encouragement. Aidan soon let go of the tree and leaped off of the ledge, so I climbed back down. Maddie and I worked our way closer to the waterfall, then swam back to the other side where all of the non-swimmers were sitting.

Once I got there, Andrea asked me why I hadn’t jumped. I told her that it takes me an incredibly long time to get the nerve up to take my feet off of solid ground to leap off of high things. The story of the time at Paige’s lakehouse, right after high school graduation came up: I sat at the top of her diving platform for an hour until the sun had gone down and my friends had gone in for supper. I wasn’t going to climb down, because I needed to jump off. I wasn’t going to jump off because I couldn’t convince my body that I needed to. So, I sat there. After that hour and sometime before I went to bed that night, I jumped. “Why didn’t I jump, Andrea? I didn’t want to lose the respect of everyone on the team!”

In response to her (and in my mind, my) question, I swam back to the rock, and climbed up to the ledge. Yeah, I don’t really know why either. I hate jumping off of things. But, it was a challenge I presented to myself. So, I climbed up and looked off of this super tall, massive, huge 8 foot cliff. Dave kept saying, “You have to jump, I’m blocking your way down.” Becky convinced me it had spiritual application and once I jumped, I would officially be an adult. Little 6 year old Gabe encouraged me with, “Come on Miss Jacque! You can do it! Yaaayy!!” Andrea had her camera poised and ready to snap. Sarah had her camera recording. Everyone on the shore was cheering for me, just like they had for Aidan.

So there I stood. And stood. And stood. Sarah’s camera, full of pictures from Europe and safari only had about three and a half minutes of video space- she took three videos, and missed the actual jump because it was unexpected when it finally happened, and her camera was full again! Andrea caught the moment on her camera, though, because she persevered through the fifteen minutes of false alarms.

I climbed back on a ledge that was half submerged (no more heights for me), dove in, and swam across the pool back to where everyone else was. Aidan informed me that until I jumped, my position as his favorite teacher was very threatened. Which is totally legit.

After I (finally) jumped, Gabe climbed up on the ledge after me and leaped off. It took him at least 30 seconds to decide to jump.

"Look! A Animal!!"

2010-02-09T12:09:00.001-06:00

Yes, I went on safari again!! This time it was with all three of my students’ entire families and Matt and Grace Hangen. Bethany was having back pain so she stayed at Chez Kennell for the weekend. She and Buster (the Kennell’s dog) sat looking on while Sarah and I climbed into one of the three stuffed vehicles going to Benin.

This was a very different experience from the last safari we went on. I didn’t ride on the top nearly as much- I think I had more of a desire to be clean. A couple of times, I just couldn’t resist seeing the animal kingdom without the frame/confines of a window. On this particular safari, we saw:

*“One million and four” cob (as I told Tiffany yesterday) (cob are the African version of deer)
*Two lions (two different times!)
*Multiple elephants, but only about five up close
*Abyssinian Rollers (the most beautiful birds in the whole wide world. No, really.)
*Hippos galore!
*Baboons (one, “Scarface”, a little too close for comfort. Keep reading for details.)
*Lots of crocodiles
*Water buffalo
*Roan antelope (which always make me think of Scott McEndree’s son, Rhone.)
*Countless numbers of countless species of birds
*A “Jesus” crane (a bird standing on an underwater hippo’s back as the hippo walked along the bottom of the lake, making the bird appear as though it was gliding on the water. Also, this bird isn’t really a different kind of bird, but it has a great description!)

There are probably other things, but I’m not going to strain trying to remember. I am, however, going to tell you some of the more entertaining stories from this particular safari.

Safari #2 Story #1: The First Lion- the Saga

On the second day, after our first night of camping, we ate at the hotel. As we were getting ready to leave, a guide with a group of tourists talked to Matt and told him that they had seen a few lions. They told him where to find it, and we started off down the correct road. We had all just had showers and lunch and spirits were high. It was too warm for the kids to get on top of the car, so there were three of them in the back seat, Sarah, Asher and I were in the middle row, and Matt, Andrea, Abby and AnnaMarie were in the front. As we’re driving down the road, Asher looks at Sarah and says, “Can I have something? I don’t feel good.” Sarah then asks Andrea for a bowl, and Matt pulls over so Asher can get out and throw up outside. I pulled him out and he leaned over for a few minutes, but didn’t do anything, so we got back in the car and start driving again. Abby decides that Asher should be in the front middle, with the air conditioning blowing right on him. They switch seats, climbing over the front seats to do it. Less than three minutes pass before Asher is vomiting into a plastic sack one of the cars following us had given to him. We pull over, get him cleaned up (I’m out of the car, because of my very sensitive gag reflex), then continue on our merry way. Less than ten minutes after that, AnnaMarie was drinking some water, and she starts coughing which leads to more up-chucking in the front seat. Oh yes, the joys of carsickness- poor kids.

After Andrea got herself and AnnaMarie cleaned up, we started off again toward the lion(s). We drive to “the place across from the baobab trees, where there used to be a village” and start peering intently into the brush. We drive past the place where we are supposed to be looking without a sighting, so Matt turns around and we head back. As he’s driving, he randomly looks underneath a tree, stops the car, grabs his binoculars and stares off into some very thick brush... Where he finds a (notice the singular article here) lion. We all get out and start looking, taking pictures, and passing around the binoculars. I was a little nervous, however. If you remember, on our last Pendjari visit, as I was looking at one lion, another jumped out of the very tall grass next to the other, growling at us. I think I now have a built-in fear of only seeing one of two reported lions- I made a few visual sweeps around the other side of the road, just making sure the lions weren’t in cahoots, “luring in” the safari goers for a little afternoon snack.
 

Safari #2 Story #2: Scarface

Since I got here, the kids have been talking about a particular baboon who isn’t afraid of people. He will come up to you and take things out of your hand, like food and pencil bags (I know, it’s strange, but pencil bags are a big deal!) Well, after Lion Sighting #1, we went to a lake called Mare Bali, which has a lot of different animals. I’ve yet to go there and not see at least three hippos and a million crocodiles. Our car drove up last (everyone else was already at the lookout point, which is a little bit of a walk from the parking spots), and I got out. As I walked toward the lookout deck, I was looking at our friends who were already there. Then, something to my right caught my eye- it was a baboon. Now, you must understand something. Baboons aren’t just cuddly little fun animals who come up and pick things out of your hair. Brett, on our first safari, kept saying, “I don’t want the baboons to rip my face off,” and Nicole had told me earlier, “Have you seen their fangs? They’re huge!” So, seeing this fully grown baboon between me and the rest of the group was far from comforting. Everyone told me he would be ok, though, and Nicole came to walk with me, so I made it safely to the deck.   Scarface (so named by the team because of a scar he has on his nose) hung out with us for a while. He climbed on some branches, and I got some good pictures/videos. I did some running commentary on what he was thinking, and we all got a good laugh out of him. The kids went and got some snacks to much on, in Tupperware (a fact which will soon be very important), and brought it up to the deck.

After the snacks came out, I relocated to a position fairly close to them to get some good video of a hippo that had just climbed out of the water. I was also videotaping a crocodile that kept randomly thrashing, hoping to catch it doing something cool. As I was focusing the video camera on the crocodile, I heard some crunching leaves, and looked down, thinking it was the lizards under the deck making all of the racket. I look down to see what’s going on with them, then realize there are screams and kids scrambling toward me- it took me a second to get my bearings, but I did realize that I needed to relocate VERY quickly to the other side of the deck. I slammed my video camera shut (still recording, however), and hustled kids away from the noise. As I turn around, I see Scarface sitting on the bench holding the Tupperware (I think he was at least. Even if he wasn’t holding it, he wanted it), and Dave throwing something at him and shouting. The kids are in hysterics, and my heart is thumping loudly in my very shaky body. Scarface leaves, but the kids are really stressed out, so Nicole and I take them back to the cars, where we all get in and drive away from Scarface and his friends, retelling the story and how we all felt for the remainder of the afternoon.

Andrea, Nicole, Grace, and I decided he just wanted the Tupperware. When you live in a wildlife park in Benin, West Africa, you have to get it where you can. Real Tupperware is hard to come by.

Safari #2 Story #3: The Campsite

We finished out the day with another lion sighting, then drove back to our campsite, which was right next to a lake. When we got there, Sarah and I needed to go to the bathroom. It took us a while to find toilet paper, and by the time we were headed back to our “potty place,” Nicole and some of the girls had already gone, and were telling us that they thought there might be a hippo out of the water back where we went, so we should stay close to the path. Sure enough, when Sarah and I started down the very short path to the “business bushes,” we heard what sounded an awful lot like growling. When you’re in a safari park where you’ve just seen two lions, you don’t really stick around growling noises, so we quickly headed back toward the tents, the fire, and the loud children. There, we went straight to Andrea, who then acted as our counselor and kept us safe as we went about twenty feet away from the tents and utilized the darkness rather than bushes for security purposes. It’s hard to convince yourself to walk into tall grass where you’ve just heard growling, whether it was a lion, or that hippo, it really doesn’t matter in the end.

*FUN FACT: Hippos are very dangerous- they kill more people than lions. Granted, that’s usually in the water, but still, do you want to come face to face with a massive hulk of an animal whose territory you’re in? No, you don’t, and neither do I.*

That night, Nicole heard multiple baboons calling to each other (which she knew, because she heard an NPR documentary on baboon calls. Yeah, she’s that cool). And the next morning, after we left for our early (EARLY) morning drive, Mark (who had stayed behind), looked up to see a lion stalking out of the woods right behind our tents. It looked at him for a few minutes, then stalked off- thankfully.   It was a great campsite.

Wrap-up:
Safari is fun. Animals are great. Road-trips with toddlers and kids are interesting. I don’t like jumping off of high rocks- and in my next post, you will hear about the waterfall we went to where the team was able to experience my fear... For about half an hour.

The Market

2010-01-26T11:55:00.004-06:00

I have so many things to write about that are going to take some time. In the meantime, here is a new post to make you smile.

This conversation actually happened today when I was at the market.

Random Woman: "Blah blah blah, french french french, blah blah blah."

Me: "Je ne comprend pas Français, desolée" (I don't understand French, sorry)

Random Woman (we'll call her Marie): "Oh, Anglais?"

Me: "Oui."

Marie: "Is your pagne for you or for me?"

Me: "Well, it's for me."

Marie: "Why isn't it for me?"

Me: "Mainly because I don't know you."

Marie: "I want to be your friend."

Me: "Ok, we can be friends, but I'm still going to keep my pagne."

Marie walks off.

I love going to the market.

Love

2010-01-16T09:28:00.002-06:00

This summer, I started to defend my apparent over-use of the word “love.” I bought a journal for the year with “Love... Of course” written on the cover, bought my first pagne that the lady told me stood for “love” (and April told me that was probably the only word in English she knew, but it felt like a sign!), and started noticing every use of the word “love” in the Biblical passages I read.

There are times when I use “love” where “thoroughly enjoy” or “extremely like” would be more appropriate. But when I use “love” to talk about how I feel about someone, I don’t feel that it is misused. I’ve been told that both the frequency of times I say it and the number of people I say it to “cheapen” the word when it leaves my mouth. Even just now, Sarah came in laughing because she keeps finding “I love you, Miss Sarah” in random places in her classroom. I have to say, though, my use of the word has greatly decreased in the past four months- I think part of my inspiration for usage was environment/company dependent.

As I think about this particular character trait of mine, I keep wondering where it came from. My parents told me they loved me growing up, but it’s not like other people’s parents didn’t- and I don’t think I “loved” everything as a child any more than every other little drama queen in the world. No, there was nothing special about my childhood that made me use the word “love” so much.

So where does it come from? Well, I love when people tell me that I mean something special to them. I think everyone does- there’s something life-changing about knowing you make someone’s day by smiling at them or calling them or even thinking about them (and letting them know, of course, because otherwise this wouldn’t be common knowledge). My heart smiles when I get a text message, when my phone rings, or when I get mail (that is actually from someone, of course). **Side Note: This summer, I got a piece of mail congratulating me on my recent marriage. It was from an insurance company asking “what better way to start a life together than to blah blah blah.” I kept it, brought it to Togo, and still get great joy when I think about it. This particular piece of mail doesn’t prove my “someone special” thing at all. End side note** There’s a psychological principle that says we project our feelings/thoughts/lots of other things onto others. Well, since I like hearing “I love you” from people who do, I figure other people like hearing it, too.

Another reason I can think of is that somewhere in my subconscious (and also often my conscious thought) I’m desperately afraid of something happening to either myself or someone I care about without them knowing how I feel about them. When I was a crazy-emotional teenager, I used to leave the house to walk to the bus-stop after fighting with my mother. I would get to the bus-stop, go to school, and have a horrible day. As I got older, I would start the trek angry, get halfway to the stop and run back home, sobbing, to tell my mother that I loved her and I didn’t mean it. Those mornings, she would either have to drive me to the bus-stop or drive me to school for me to get there. She would hug me and we would make up, then my day wouldn’t be ruined.

In Eighth grade, the boy that sat next to me in English class, BJ, was in a car accident over Christmas break and he and his brother were killed. BJ and I never really got along, but his death made me seriously consider the last words I said to someone. The interesting thing is that the last thing I said to BJ wasn’t something awful, but I know it wasn’t necessarily nice, either.   This last summer, a good family friend passed away in her sleep after church. It was completely unexpected and very hard to deal with. She was a beautiful, godly woman who had an amazing family, an amazing spirit, and a serving heart. Earlier in the summer, a friend I had visited in hospice before I left for New Zealand told me to live a life for God and to live it well. I found out when I got home that he had passed away a few weeks before. This fall, my friend Scott passed away after a year-long battle with cancer. I loved each of these people very much, and I am pretty sure each of them knew it. That’s important to me.

Now, please don’t be worried that I have a fatalist mind-set and always tell people I love them in case they die. That would be extreme, and I don’t think that’s what I’m doing. But I do think that living my life in such a way that those around me know what they mean to me is important to both me and them.

This entire blog post came from thoughts originating with one of my new friends. Last Sunday at “Dinner with the Emersons” (it’s like one of my favorite shows, so I’m punctuating it as such), four-year-old Caden said, “I love this chicken.” His mother then explained that he had discovered the word “love” and was now using it in many sentences. After, “I love this corn,” I told Brett and April that spending four days with me on safari is what did it.   

I love Caden. And I love you. So there.

I Smiled

2010-01-10T11:50:00.002-06:00

Today, I left my apartment sad to come to the Emerson's house for dinner. I didn't even say good-bye to my roommates, I just called to make sure April and Brett were home and walked over. I don't really like being sad. It's not my favorite emotion, in any way, shape or form.

Fortunately, God knows I don't like being sad, and He put me with a beautiful people-group that smiles a lot. Less than five minutes away from my house, I greeted some neighbors sitting outside their house, and they offered me some peanuts. Of course, they offered me peanuts in French, and I didn't know what they were talking about. So, I held out my hand. The man put some peanuts in my hand, and I said, "Oh, peanuts!" Then I looked at him and motioned to the peanuts and said, "En français?" He told me the French word for "peanut" and I thanked him, bade him a good evening, and went on my way.

I kept walking, and was greeted by a man with a friendly smile before I greeted him. Then, I had a nice conversation with two boys who go to University here in Kara.

It's hard to be sad for too long here.

Days Gone By

2010-01-03T15:15:00.003-06:00

I am 23 years old today. While reminiscing about days gone by and visiting my old xanga site today, I found these little bits of writing I did when I was a senior in high school in AP English Lit. I hope you enjoy them.

She realizes that she’ll be having to leave soon, that she has to move on with the rest of the world no matter what her heart is telling her; time goes on, the clock keeps ticking, the sand keeps on pouring, and no amount of wishing, hoping, thinking, planning, crying, heartache, promises, or lying to herself will change that, because things are made to change; high school isn’t meant to last forever, all of the fun things, the friends, the homework, the teachers she likes, the teachers she doesn’t, the cliques, the papers, the football players, the pretty girls, the band geeks, the drama kids, the constant struggle to fit in, the stress that is really self inflicted, the band competitions, the trends that seem so silly three years later yet so vital when they’re “in,” the life all kids hold for four years; she knows that in four years, maybe even sooner, all of her life now will seem so trivial, but now, at this exact point in her life, she’s not ready to let go, she doesn’t want to leave; so, she goes to all of the senior activities like Senior Sing and cries when she leaves because she isn’t prepared to leave this life she has known for all of her years, the life that goes like this: home, sleep, school, home, sleep, school, home, sleep, school, over and over and over, with new things thrown in there every once in a while like vacation, summer, dance class, name it, it’s in there, because life is like that for the first eighteen years of life; then, she will be thrown out into the “real world” sent off to college, or the armed forces, and she will no longer be a part of that life she’s led for eighteen years, because there’s a new routine; no parents, new schedule, and new people, not the same ones shes known for years and years, the ones she used to hang out with when she was seven that know her most embarrasing secrets but she doesn’t have to worry about because she hasn’t talked to them in at least five years, and shes not even sure if they know her name anymore; these are the familiar things that she doesn’t want to leave, even though she’s ready to get out of the life she leads and start anew, leaving will be hard; it hasn’t even happened yet, and it’s already hard... her last homecoming, her last competition, her last concert, her last prom, her last... everything; what will come next is a mystery, a book yet to be started, a life that is scary but exhilarating and exciting at the same time, holding the mystery of “life beyond school,” she doesn’t think shes ready; but when it comes right down to it, when she is thrown out by herself, she knows that since she has to be ready, she will be.

Heres the second one:

I watch the bands perform, watch the flags fly in the air together, the rifles spin perfectly together, and the sabres rotate with glinting blades and deadly hilts, while tears form then disappear over and over again; it’s my last weekend ever of band competitions, something that seems to have taken forever to have gotten here, but at the same time seems to have come so fast; it seems like just yesterday I was trying out for the colorguard, with Mrs. Grubbs sighing every time I ran away from my flag when I tossed it into the air, my frustration at how hard guard was compared to what I thought it would be; first band camp came, and I hated every minute of it, going home each night crying myself to sleep because I knew that I was committed to do this terrible activity for the rest of the year, hating myself for even thinking I could do it, wishing I was a quitter; then, the next year, I kept going because Mrs. Grubbs made me love guard, even though it was hard at times, I loved what I did, I loved the feel of a flag in my hand, and once a rifle was put in my hand, I was in love with it; I learned the pain of being hit with a dense wooden block, and the joy of catching it perfectly with a “snap” in unison with the rest of the rifle line; I learned that even when I dropped equipment in the middle of the show, it was ok, and I just had to keep going because most likely, unless I made a big deal of it, no one else noticed and having a judge notice that I dropped the weapon is almost as bad as the feeling that comes with knowing I hadn’t done my best because every other time I’d done that toss, it had landed perfectly in my hands; that was the problem actually, the reason I was so upset about the fact that my prelims performance might have been my last; I over rotated my sabre toss, catching it at half a turn past where I was supposed to, making my heart break thinking about how that could have been my last time ever to have the chance to have a perfect show, and knowing that I lost that chance, all because I was nervous; I was nervous about making finals, I wanted it so bad so that I could honestly make my last show my best, and when we made finals, I got that chance; I nailed every toss, and just performed my show, making my last show one of the most memorable I’ve ever had; no drops, no falls, no missing flags when I got to my spot, no regrets, none at all because I know that I did my best; after four years of failures in guard, after the heartaches that came about after my second year, after the pain all of the seniors experienced this year over seemingly stupid things, it all came to a close at a national competition where the Jefferson City High School Marching Jay Band made history, being one of the two first Missouri bands ever to make Bands Of America finals... now it’s over; I think I might be ok with that; in fact, I know I’m ok with that, because it was a good journey, and I’m a better person for having made it.

A Bed-time Story

2010-01-01T09:01:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Jacque whose parents gave her the travel bug. She traveled all over the US in her family’s mini-van on family vacations seeing sights and making memories. She went to Australia and New Zealand with People to People Student Ambassador groups the summer after her freshman year in high school, and studied abroad in Italy her junior year of college. Three days after graduating from college, she hopped on a plane and led a campaign to New Zealand for six weeks, staying for an extra week just to fall in love with the country a little more than she already was.

One day, she and two friends named Bethany and Sarah met at Carino’s in Atlanta, GA. They drove to the airport, where their parents helped them check their bags then hugged them goodbye. The girls went through security, got their first final Starbucks, and boarded a plane that took them to London. At Heathrow, they got their second and final final Starbucks, looked at chocolate shops, and boarded a plane that took them to Accra, Ghana, West Africa. They sped through customs after retrieving their trunks and suitcases, met two new friends named Nicole and April, saw big guns up close, and went to sleep in the Baptist guesthouse. The next morning, they piled into Nicole’s little truck, and drove 11 hours to Kara, Togo, West Africa, where they moved into Nicole’s house and got over their jet lag.

They settled into their routine pretty quickly once the other families got back and school started. Bethany taught sixth grade and Art, Jacque taught fourth grade and Science, and Sarah taught the kindergarten class and French.

Before they knew it, the first half of the school year was over. They had a Christmas party, complete with a snowball fight and snowman building contest, and went on break. Les trois filles (“the three girls,” a nickname given by Brett Emerson), had their first Christmas away from home, first at their adorable apartment, then at the Kennell’s house where they spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day. They caroled at their fellow expatriates’ homes, and had hot chocolate and popcorn.

Then, they went on safari. This is that story.

Les trois filles piled into the Emerson’s car bright and early on Sunday morning. Spirits were as high as they could be at 6:30am, and they were off! They drove all the way to the border of Benin, crossing into their first new country since August. A few hours later, they were at the gate of Pendjari, the safari park that is the site of this particular adventure.

They saw cob (deer-like animals), antelope, hippos, and crocodiles at their very first lake.

Before the day was over, “Elephant, elephant, elephant, elephant,” saw the car backing up for their first elephant sighting- four young males. It was terribly exciting and was a great end to the day. The safari crew got to the hotel where they ended up setting up camp and going to bed, eager for the next day. As they fell asleep, they heard a lion making its presence known to all.

The next morning, the girls bundled up and climbed on top of the truck. They watched the sun rise through the dust as they drove around the park looking for animals. Throughout the day, they saw warthogs, more cob, baboons, a jackal, more antelope, more elephants... and a lion.

Actually, they saw two lions. It was quite a rush, actually- these particular lions were quite close to our three heroines and their fearless leader, Brett. They had been informed of the lions’ location by some of their safari friends. A not-too-distant bush was under close scrutiny for a few minutes, but the lions were not making an appearance, so the troupe drove off. They returned not too much later and were looking intently at the same bush, wondering where the lions could possibly be.

“There’s the lion!” Brett exclaimed and pointed at a tree even closer than the original bush. The lioness had just stood up less than fifty feet from where les trois filles were sitting! As everyone turned their cameras to the new location, Jacque turned on her video camera, which is why she was able to capture one of the best videos ever. The four on top of the truck were excited to see the lioness, but they had been told there was also a lion. As they pondered his whereabouts, they heard a growl and their eyes flicked to see Artie the lion (as he was named by Jacque to protect him from Brett) leaping out of the tall grass right next to the lioness... toward our happy crew who were still perched on top of the truck, with nothing between them and the agitated lion who was less than thirty feet away.

Someday, maybe you’ll get to see the video of this event. Until then, you can just fill in your own conversation following the lion’s emergence from the grass. Needless to say, lots of pictures were taken, and footage that will make anyone laugh (and maybe some cry) was taken and now rests on our narrator’s computer. At one point, a truck came and blocked the road to escape, panicking our brave friends, but they survived the ordeal and lived happily ever after.

THE END

Author’s Note: This story is true. No names have been changed to protect identities, because there would be no fun in that.

I enjoyed our safari immensely and will always remember it as one of the super-cool things that teaching missionary children in Africa has allowed me to experience. I loved watching the sun rise and set from the top of the truck, and I loved seeing God’s beautiful creation without the confines of cages. I’ve always loved the zoo, and I always will- safari was no substitute for the joy of going to the zoo. However, it was an amazing opportunity that was thrilling in a completely different way that will always be a part of me. Yay safari!!  I hope your Christmas festivities were full of joy and family and amazingness, and that your new year is blessed.

A Year in Review

2009-12-22T15:20:00.001-06:00

This time last year, I hadn't even filled out my application to come to Togo yet. I was thinking actively about it, really meaning to do it every evening, preparing myself to come, but the first step in the process hadn't been officially started yet. I went home for Christmas, watched A LOT of Lost, ate a lot of food, and mentally prepared my heart for my last semester at Harding.

Harding:

I went back to school and finished out my last semester, which I swear lasted two days total. I went to SpiritFest to represent Harding, hung out with Scott and Bonita on my way home, participated in Honors College wonderfulness, took my capstone course and put together a project to graduate with distinction, met weekly with my beautiful New Zealand team, and spent much time with my beautiful friends.

Then, I graduated. Four years went by in four blinks of an eye, I successfully walked across that stage (I didn't fall), shook Dr. Burks' hand, got an empty diploma cover, and walked out of the GAC where I frantically took pictures with everyone I could find and then... it was over. I went back to my dorm, finished my packing, and went to the Garner's house for the night. The next morning, I went to church, then drove Sean and I home until Wednesday when my beautiful mother drove us back to Searcy to leave for New Zealand.

New Zealand:

New Zealand stole my heart for a second time. Nat, Sean, Kari, Sarah, Andi, Cyndi, Carissa, Terri, Ken, Carolyn, Mike and Sue, Kristen and Elijah, the Palmy crew, the Inver-truck-ell (hehe) crew, the Mataura crew, and the Auckland team (including the lovable AIMers!) are now a huge huge huge part of my life and thoughts and prayers.

Camp:

After I returned to the States, I jumped in my car and drove to Minnesota to teach Bible classes for Junior camp at Flaming Pine Youth Camp, losing my Ireland ring on the way. I learned how to be an adult in a setting where I’d only been a counselor, kept Michael company while he sat guarding lives at the lake in a jacket (silly FL boy!), and loved that lovely place for only a week.

Rest of the summer:

After FPYC, I spent time in Searcy, Dallas, and Jefferson City. I got to hang out with Bethany, Angela, Paula, Michael and Sarah, Jordan and Sam (yay engagements!!), Mel, Aaron, MonaLee, Jennifer, Amanda, and many other beautiful friends who mean so so so much to me. I went home, took up residence at Panera bread (for internet access), and spent the remainder of the summer prepping for Togo.

Togo:

I got on a plane in Atlanta, flew to Ghana via London, met April and Nicole, then drove to Kara (where I had my first African middle-of-nowhere bathroom experience, which is no longer a novelty), and collapsed into the Kennell’s guest bedroom. We spent time setting up for school during which time I had my first bout of sickness and my first negative malaria test. Then the Reeves and the Millers got back from furlough and school started!! Since school started, I’ve missed almost a week from being sick (second negative malaria test), lost a dear friend, learned about mourning, learned about community, learned some French, learned how to cook without a Wal-Mart, and learned to appreciate Skype.

School:

Our last day of school for the first half of the year was last Saturday. We ended the semester with a great Christmas party, complete with a snowman building contest and snowball fight. Hot chocolate, popcorn, and chocolate mini-muffins made me smile. All day Monday, les trois filles (as Brett calls us) baked Christmas cookies for the ladies’ party yesterday evening. And today, we hung out at the Kennell’s house. Now, we’re about to head home for yet another day of sleeping in. Tomorrow, we will decorate cookies with the Reeves. Christmas Eve and Christmas will be spent at the Kennell’s house where we will eat pie and wear cute PJ pants. Then safari on the 27th with the Emerson family, and New Year’s festivities (which I think I’ve heard will include a disco).

I’m blessed. So are you.

I love you.

Happy Holidays!!

2009-12-12T15:17:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting in the Millers' living room watching the classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (his nose was just exposed as being different and he's been banned from future reindeer games, poor Rudolph) and loving the holidays. Yeah, I'm in a different setting, but it's still beautiful.

I love you.

Great Wisdom from Children's Literature

2009-12-05T09:56:00.000-06:00

“The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
‘Vanity of vanities,’ says the Preacher.
‘Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.’
‘There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.’”
-Ecclesiastes 1:1-2, 3:1-8,11

I love teaching fourth grade. One amazingly wonderful part of my day is read-aloud, where all of our books are currently centered around the Civil War. We finished Caddie Woodlawn before Thanksgiving break, but the day before it ended, we read something that made me tear up, and I feel that it pertains so much to my current season of life.

First, I’ll set the scene. Little Caddie Woodlawn is a girl whose family moved from Boston to Wisconsin. They live on a farm there, and soon after arriving, Caddie’s sister died because her body was too weak. In order to prevent the same thing from happening to Caddie, her father convinced her mother to let her “run with the boys” and become healthy in body, rather than sitting in the house and learning about how to become a “lady.” This excerpt comes right after Caddie alone has been punished for being rude to a guest, even though her two brothers were just as guilty.

Caddie is planning to run away because she is so angry at the injustice her mother has dealt her. She is waiting for her family to go to sleep so that she can sneak out. Before she does, her father comes in and says this to her:

“Perhaps Mother was a little hasty today, Caddie. She really loves you very much, and, you see, she expects more of you than she would of someone she didn’t care about. It’s a strange thing, but somehow we expect more of girls than of boys. It is the sisters and wives and mothers, you know, Caddie, who keep the world sweet and beautiful. What a rough world it would be if there were only men and boys in it, doing things in their rough way! A woman’s task is to teach them gentleness and courtesy and love and kindness. It’s a big task, too, Caddie-- harder than cutting trees or building mills or damming rivers. It takes nerve and courage and patience, but good women have those things. They have them just as much as the men who build bridges and carve roads through the wilderness. A woman’s work is something fine and noble to grow up to, and it is just as important as a man’s. But no man could ever do ti so well. I don’t want you to be the silly, affected person with fine clothes and manners whom folks sometimes call a lady. No, that is not what I want for you, my little girl. I want you to be a woman with a wise and understanding heart, healthy in body and honest in mind. Do you think you would like to be growing up into that woman now? How about it, Caddie, have we run with the colts long enough?”

After Mr. Woodlawn’s speech, Caddie goes to sleep and wakes up with this new realization:

“When she awoke she knew that she need not be afraid of growing up. It was not just sewing and weaving and wearing stays. It was something more thrilling than that. It was a responsibility, but, as Father spoke of it, it was a beautiful and precious one, and Caddie was ready to go and meet it.”

Later, at the end of the book, I ran into this passage:
“What a lot has happened since last year... How far I’ve come! I’m the same girl and yet not the same. I wonder if it’s always like that? Folks keep growing from one person into another all their lives, and life is just a lot of everyday adventures. Well, whatever life is, I like it.”

I’m growing up, and although I’m not a little girl like Caddie, I make this same realization every morning. I can be scared of the responsibility that I have now, or I can embrace it and see what new wonders I can introduce to both my life and the lives of those around me. I loved reading this passage and seeing how well Carol Ryrie Brink put my feelings into words in a children’s book!! Ecclesiastes’ “There is nothing new under the sun” comes to mind.

Another children’s book that imparted wisdom to me was Across Five Aprils, a book by Irene Hunt about a boy growing up during the Civil War. At the end of the last chapter, Jethro (the main character) has just found out that President Lincoln has been assassinated. *I would like to add a note in here that I have so gained so much respect for President Lincoln teaching the kids about him this year that I have to fight back tears every time a book talks about his assassination. This part was no different, and this quote made it that much harder to not burst into tears during read-aloud!* Jethro says:

“One accepted the good or the evil with humility, for life was a mystery, and questions were not for the lowly.”

A few weeks ago, I was pondering the meaning of life. I was, and still am, grappling with Scott’s death, and not too far behind that on my mind are friends from my home congregation, Katie and Don. My mom’s dad, Grandpa Willard, has Alzheimer’s and that has been painful for my mom and my grandma who have seen it before, and for my brother and I who haven’t. Ecclesiastes’ “All is vanity” was in my mind, and I was desperate to figure out why dear people to my heart had to die. It’s been a long year for learning lessons about mortality and death for me; I know it has to happen for everyone sometime, but I would have preferred it to not be the year I’m adjusting to life in Africa without Cheetos and Dr. Pepper and Ben and Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream.

The day before I read the end of Across Five Aprils, I had mentioned something to my friend Jamin about not understand the meaning of life. It might seem strange that reading “life was a mystery and questions were not for the lowly” helped, but it did- it reminded me yet again that God is in control and He can see the big plan. Our world is broken and hurting and marred by sin, but His Plan and His Son redeem us from that hurt and give us a Hope.

My questions have not been answered. They won’t be, most likely, for a while. But God continually puts ways in my life for peace to be found amidst the hurt. I pray that you can find peace, too.

I love you.

Back from Lomé

2009-11-30T13:20:00.001-06:00

Hello, all! I literally got back less than an hour ago from Lomé, the capitol city of Togo, for our Thanksgiving break trip. I don't have much to say yet, but I love you all, and wanted to give a small update!

This is Why You Laughed

2009-11-21T09:44:00.001-06:00

I grew up in Jefferson City, Missouri, the daughter of two individuals who grew up as farm kids. I was a city kid. I had a nice backyard, but we didn’t grow corn in it, and our biggest animal was Coco, our chocolate lab, or possibly Patches, the blue healer/blue tick mix. I loved our animals, and on two separate occasions we spent a little more than a little money on healing my cat, Tiger (he has even had hip surgery).

When I was in high school, my “boy scout troop,” AKA my Venturing Crew, went hiking in Virginia in Shenandoah National Park. There, I discovered that I thoroughly disliked snakes when the following dialogue occurred:

Me: “Hey, look guys! A snake!”
Everyone else: “Cool beans!”
Snake: slither slightly toward Jacque
Me: “AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!”

Also at Shenandoah, I had an episode with a beetle that I don’t care to relive, but that I will definitely never forget. And that’s enough of that story.

As a counselor, I had to suck it up and be a big girl. As a junior counselor at Little Prairie when I was 17, I stayed in Boys Cabin 1 with a girl in quarantine (she had pink eye) and successfully muffled my hysterics brought on by a persistent cockroach that my beautiful friends rescued me from. Also at LPBC, I abandoned a container of Gobstoppers to a cockroach (as a camper), abandoned my bed to cockroaches (as a JC), and saved my cabin from an infestation of mice (as a counselor). That in itself is a story: I sent my kids outside (as though that would muffle my screams that are just a reflex and I have no control over), and had my fellow brave counselor, Anna, come join me. I eventually just forbade my girls from looking in the rafters for mice because they wouldn’t leave.

At Flaming Pine, there were relatively few bugs, and I developed lightning reflexes to kill the biting bugs- they didn’t scare me, they just angered me.

I scream easily. Bugs and creepy crawlies gross me out, quite easily. I don’t mind if a bug is just hanging out away from me, but even when they’re far away from me, there’s always the knowledge that as a living creature, it might move closer.

For those of you who knew me, those are just a few of the reasons you scoffed when I said I was coming to live in Africa. For those of you who don’t really know me, you now have a picture of my personality that raises your eyebrows when you realize I already live in Africa. Now I will share some specific stories that will make everyone, old and young alike, giggle.

Why You Laughed Story #1:

Ever since I got here, I’ve had a steady stream of ants going from a hole behind my desk to the trash can that is located by the door. I’ve gotten used to them, and only use the giant can of bug spray when they cross the bubble line and swarm my feet/legs (it’s happened twice, and I still shudder when I think about it). The other day, I was amazed by the line of ants- it was three times thicker than it normally was! I had Bethany come and look and we were in awe together. When Nicole came by to bring the girls’ lunches, she came in to help me with my problem. She grabbed the giant green can of bug annihilator and started to spray the hole behind my desk that was a source of the ants.

They swarmed out of that hole. I mean thousands of ants, forming a fan shape coming out of that hole, quicker than I ever want to see ants appear. I kept shuddering and finally moved my class outside, “because of the fumes” and the fact that I was so grossed out about what had just occurred five inches from where I sit every day.

Why You Laughed Story #2:

A couple of weeks ago, I used the dictionary that sits in the corner of the bottom of my shelf. It smelled awful, but I couldn’t figure out why, so I decided it was strange, put it back and did nothing about it. On Tuesday of this week (our first day of the week for school here), Aidan needed the dictionary, so I pulled it out for him. Once again, it smelled really bad, worse even than last time. This time, I decided to see if it was something on the shelf, so I moved the books next to the dictionary space to the ground and looked.

It was a lizard. But not a live one. No, that would have been a normal occurrence. This one was dead, and had been decaying for who knows how long- all I know is that my dictionary has smelled for longer than two weeks. Ew. Ew. EW!!!

I had to have Bethany come in and take care of it for me, because my gag reflex was being quite active, and rightfully so. Unfortunately, it smelled for the rest of that day and all day yesterday, though I’m not sure if that was just my imagination. I put the dictionary and other books outside in the sun yesterday, hoping to get the smell away. I would like to point out that it took me a day to bring myself to touch the books. Ew.

The best part of this story is my kids’ reactions. I didn’t tell them what was there because I couldn’t bring myself to actually talk about it (remember the gag reflex), but they kept saying, “What? What is it?” When I responded, “Nothing,” they said, “Miss Jacque, we know that look.” I have a look, and my kids recognize it! This is enough to send me into fits of giggles upon thought.

Why You Laughed Story #3:

As I’ve already mentioned in passing, we have a lot of lizards and geckos and skinks, both in Kara, but especially in the schoolhouse compound. This makes for entertaining moments when they cross from their acceptable place outside into an unacceptable place: the buildings in which I live. If they stay in their little bubbles, I don’t mind. For example, we have a little “jelly” lizard that sits in our window and waits for us to come home at night. We can always see him because he’s backlit. He doesn’t come out and terrorize us during school, he just waits. He’s my friend.

The gecko that took up residence behind my chalkboard the other day (the day immediately after the decaying lizard was found, mind you), was not where he should have been.

Michal had gone up to the board to do a problem for Math. She was the first one to write on the board for the day, and as she started writing, a gecko about seven inches long emerged from behind, coming toward my desk and bookshelf. I squealed a little bit, then stood up and hopped onto Michal’s chair. None of my beautiful angels knew why I was startled, but I told them and asked Aidan to rescue me from it. He got up and ran his ruler around my bookshelf, making noise to scare it out, but I didn’t see it again that day.

I only hope it doesn’t die back there.

Why You Laughed Short Sundry Stories:

At the beginning of the year, there was a tiny skink on the ground on the other side of a beam from me. I wasn’t panicking, but I wasn’t moving either, because I didn’t want to hurt it. Then, the little bugger ran towards my foot and touched me!!! I proceeded to let out a shriek and hop around like a rabbit. To top it off, all of my kids were in the room as well as some of the parents. It was quite a show.

When Peter Dexter was a part of our lives, he was also a large part of the kids’ lives. Because we moved him around the yard on his leash, the kids explored the ground around the compound often. One day, on a day I was a bit melancholy, the older girls told me they had something to show me outside. As I walk out of Bethany’s room, she tells me in hushed tones, “Jacque, it’s a bug.” I’m thinking, “How bad could it be?” as I walk through my room and out the door that leads outside. Well, it was huge and nasty and disgusting and dead. If it hadn’t been dead, I might have cried. As it was, one of the girls was immediately behind me as I tried to escape from the girls waiting right outside with that nasty bug. I had a bit of a panic attack and asked them where they had found it... “By the goat,” was the answer, and from that time on, I approached the goat very cautiously, scanning the ground for massive insects

The next time you’re around me with my computer, ask to see the cockroach video. In short, sometime during the first month we were here, I was baking bread in our kitchen and it was in the oven. I was going into the kitchen to check on it, and as I walked in the door, I saw a cockroach scurry across the floor to hide under our sink. I lost it. Sarah was out in the Kindergarden room, but Bethany was upstairs in the apartment with me. I came skipping in to the living room, and jumped onto a chair where I couldn’t talk for a few moments because I was so grossed out (remember, please, that this was at the height of adjusting to life here). When I was finally able to communicate what was wrong to Bethany, she yelled for Sarah who came running because she thought we were dying. Don’t worry, Sarah got it, but she tried to give up a few times... Bethany and I would not let her.

There have been a few shower instances with bugs that cause hysterics, and Sarah, the tallest (and therefore the designated bug killer, obviously) always comes to our rescue.

And that, my beautiful friends, is why you laughed.

The Last Two Weeks

2009-11-10T12:13:00.002-06:00

Well, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth, but I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write. Life was happening- lots of life. For about a week, all I wanted to do when I was online was check my friends’ Facebook pages and talk to my mom. I know that everyone in the world has to deal with the death of a loved one from sickness and the accompanying grief, and I know that many of you who read this blog know exactly what I’m talking about, so I’m not going to go into it much. I would like to say that God put me in a good place with good people whose love helped me so much as I wrestled mentally and spiritually.

This last week, I got physically sick. It started with a little cough on Monday, progressed to a big cough on Tuesday, and was complete with a fever on Wednesday. I had to call in a substitute for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of last week. My fever reached 103.1 during one cycle, but was usually at its highest around 102.5, which is still miserable. At no point during the sickness did I have stomach issues, which was glorious; just sinus yuckiness and that silly fever. By sinus yuckiness, I am referring to the cough that attempted to expel my lungs for a week (it’s still present), and the congestion that was made of solid concrete that filled every nasal cavity I have. Let’s just say that watching me eat was quite disgusting.

My roommates and the beautiful team for which I work were angels during my days out. The Emerson family was on vacation in Lomé and Matt and Dave had taken an emergency trip to Accra; they got back on Friday night, just in time for my return to school on Saturday. Within that time, Nicole subbed for me two days and sent me lunch and movies, Andrea took Asher and I to get malaria tests done in Becky’s car and gave us food, and Becky took the girls grocery shopping and sent me dinner. My beautiful roommates made me food and took out the compost on my days and ate in the room to keep me company while I lay crashing from the fever and watched movies with me and shoved water down my throat... they were great. So, rest assured Mom and Dad- I’m in great hands here!!

On Tuesday night, the day before the fever struck, we had dinner at the Kennell’s house then headed over to Jimmy White’s house for game night. So. Much. Fun! Lisa came, too, making a total of seven people. Lisa and Jimmy are both missionaries on another team here in Kara, and both of them are about to leave on furlough- Lisa for two months, Jimmy for a year. It was wonderful to get to spend some time with them before they left. We played Golf (the card game) and at the amazing cheesecake Jimmy made... oh my goodness, it was so good. For those of you who don’t know, cheesecake is one of my weaknesses, so when Jimmy put it on the table, I was quite happy! I spent the night coughing into a handkerchief and putting hand sanitizer on, hoping to keep everyone around the table from getting my sickness. I would like to point out, that despite being mocked for it all night, IT WORKED!! No one else got sick!!

Most of this post is just an update on my activities of the week, but I want to share a little realization I’ve had recently: playing cards or other kinds of games is vital to my mental health. After our game night, despite my inability to breathe normally, I was so happy and so much more myself than I have been for a while. I love being here and I love the people God has surrounded me with. But I’m never so much myself when I get to play a good game with people and laugh. The competitive part of games is totally not important to me at all- I tend to be quite competitive and I really dislike that side of my personality, so I try to avoid it. However, to play a game with fun people in a fun setting with laughter and love exuding from all is a healing agent like none other.

I’m doing well, on the road to recovery, and full of joy. I get online and have Skype/iChat/Facebook chat in the evenings on Tuesdays, most Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. We are 6 hours ahead of central time in the States, just FYI.

I love you.

Sorrrrrrry....

2009-11-07T13:28:00.001-06:00

I've been sick this week- my intent is to update within the next couple of days. Sorry for the delay!!!

Oktoberfest in Togo

2009-10-29T14:51:00.002-05:00

Best quote/conversation starter of the week award goes to Matt Miller. Please enjoy.

Matt: "Today was Oktoberfest in Togo. It was funny. There was a strange parade; there was a truck with a German flag and a Togolese flag followed by a truck with an open back half with two benches in it. In the back of the truck on the benches were 15 white people playing instruments and doing tricks."

Me: "What do you mean by tricks?"

Matt: "Like a wave around the truck."

Me: "So not only was there a parade, but there were fifteen white people who had the ability to play instruments AND do tricks in the middle of a city in Africa...? That's brilliant."

Scott is home

2009-10-23T10:26:00.002-05:00

Scott McEndree passed away yesterday morning. Please join me in an outpouring of love and prayers for his beautiful wife, Bonita, and their children, Mac, Rhone, Ayla, and Alia, as well as for the rest of his family and friends.

I love you.

He is Here

2009-10-21T14:14:00.004-05:00

On our wonderful eleven-hour car ride to Kara from Accra, Ghana when we first got to Africa, we talked a lot. There isn’t much opportunity for sleep because of the beautifully paved roads (please sense the utter sarcasm in that phrase) so we got to know Nicole and April and they got to know us. As we drove into the actual city limits of Kara, however, I was defying all odds and falling asleep with my heavily cushioned head against the window (at least once every couple of seconds), and sermons from Mars Hill Bible Church were playing on the radio. I soon found out about the Mars Hill Bible Church podcast that I, too, could subscribe to. So, I did.

I love the way Rob Bell teaches. He teaches from the Bible and speaks to his audience in a way that is compelling about things that are relevant. There are often other individuals teaching at this congregation on the podcast, they, too, teach straight from the Bible. I have so enjoyed listening to the sermons from this podcast, especially these past few weeks. Mars Hill Bible Church is in the middle of a series on the Beatitudes. It takes a while to download things here, so I was a few weeks behind as of the end of last week, but I got the latest ones downloaded and have since caught up.

Last night, as I cooked dinner, I listened to the sermon on “blessed are those who hunger and thirst.” Rob Bell was the teacher that day, and the message was marvelous. I highly recommend that you go subscribe to the podcast if only for this one lesson. Here is why (in a long, drawn-out Jacque way of telling reasons).

I’m a little worried about my reverse culture-shock. I’ve been more worried about reverse culture-shock than anything else since I decided to come here. And quite frankly, I don’t know how much I’ve had culture shock since I’ve come; we were (and are) aided greatly in our transition and in adjusting to life here in Kara. Here, I’m surrounded by people who expect culture shock to be a part of adjustment to life. When I go home, people won’t know what I’m thinking when I walk through Walmart or Target- I’m not even sure I’ll know what I’m thinking! I’ve always had inner turmoil when I think about the world and how it operates and how awful some things are. It’s why I can’t watch the news or read a whole newspaper without crying. There are so many things that I cannot fix in the world, so many things that are just not right.

In this particular sermon, I was affected on so many levels so many times. Rob Bell tells this story of a couple at his congregation that approached him with a dilemma. “We want to buy a couch.” Now, this seems simple and easily answered, “Ok, then buy a couch.” But this couple was faced with the knowledge they had that if they put the money they would put into a couch toward fresh water wells in Africa, they could save lives. If they used the money saved by buying a cheaper couch to sponsor a child, they could send that child to school and affect generations in that child’s family. OR they could buy a nice leather couch that was exactly the color and squishiness and size they wanted.

Those of us who have our eyes open should be facing this same dilemma. Now, Mr. Bell doesn’t provide an answer for people with that question. What he does provide is the assurance that God is with us in the tension that question brings up in us. The fact that we have tension is a sign that God is working in us! There is no right answer, necessarily, but we can take comfort in the fact that God knows that our world is not how it should be, and the tension we feel when we buy a couch is simply something we have to deal with in our broken world.

At one point, Rob Bell talks about an television interview he did for the BBC and how she asked him a question that caught him off guard. He and I are alike in how we deal with being caught off guard- he just started talking, thinking, “Wow, that’s interesting that I would say that,” as he spoke. Later, he replayed his answer over and over and over (courtesy of the “rewind demon”), dwelling on the response he wished he hadn’t given, beating himself up over the words that came out of his mouth

I do that almost every day. I re-live the things I did that were boneheaded and silly, the things I never should have said, the look I never should have given, the phrase I never should have laughed at, the couch I never should have stood on, the way I never should have been or reacted.
“The Gospel is Jesus’ counter-intuitive, exuberant announcement that in those moments of frustration beating myself up, God announces, “Blessed are you. I’m with you.” Not “When you get it together, then I’ll meet you.” No. God meets us in the frustration and anger, giving us “blessing, love, and acceptance, saying, “I’m with you in that.”

I’m so glad that when I go home and have no way at all of processing everything I’ll need to process, God will be with me in the tension. While I go to Walmart and buy ready made food and go to the furniture store a buy a couch that’s a tad more comfortable than half of the beds people sleep on here, God will be blessing me in the inner turmoil I will most assuredly feel.   

He is with me now, and He will be with me then. And, He is with you always. Don't forget!

This is a picture of two adorable members of the Reeves family, Elijah (who is one of my students, in the orange) and Gabriel (one of the Kindergarteners, in the red). As we drove up to their house to drop off the girls who are in dance one day, I thought they had a lemonade stand... nope! They had a peanut stand set up outside their compound. And I thought I would share this hilarious memory with you!

Yaka

2009-10-17T15:54:00.004-05:00

Last Sunday, Brett asked us what we were doing on Monday (which is our day off). We told him we were going to Codhani to see what was out there. Then Brett asked us if we would be interested in going on a hike. Despite the almost-amputation of Bethany’s toe during our last hike (which has healed quite nicely, by the way), we were super excited by the prospect of trying again. Brett told us that there was a waterfall near Codhani called Yaka, and that he would take us there after our shopping trip. Our Codhani trip was for the afternoon, and we decided to go on the hike after that.

The next day, we had a relaxing morning around the apartment, getting ready for our little trip in the afternoon. About an hour before we left, the sky started getting dark and about five minutes before we left, the sky opened up. We ran through the pouring rain to the cars outside of our gate and drove through the pouring rain to Codhani. I was riding with Becky and she mentioned that she hadn’t seen it rain that hard in a while- all the while, I’m thinking, “And we’re about to hike to a waterfall...”

We made it to Codhani and looked at the beautiful material. Bethany and I ordered pagnes for our Christmas pajama pants and Sarah bought one that was already made. I also got some paper and envelopes with beautiful scenes painted on them. All of the merchandise at Codhani is made by handicapped people who are employed there, and it's incredible stuff! I’ve been hearing about it since I got to Togo, and it was really wonderful to get to go. We have future plans to go in the morning so we can see the workers in action.

After we finished at Codhani, we climbed into the Emerson vehicle. Caden was supposed to come with us, but he chose to go back with April instead... which turned out to be a very good thing.

We knew it was going to be wet, not only because we were going to a waterfall, but also because it had rained so much earlier in the day and had only really stopped about fifteen minutes before. Yet, our spirits could not be dampened, and we set off really excited about what was to come. As we drove to Yaka, Brett told us, “It’s in the middle of nowhere. Seriously, when I bring people out here, they always ask if I’m serious.” We proceeded to turn onto a “road” that literally consisted of some grass that looked as if it might have been driven on three years ago. Quite frankly, it was hilarious. We turned around and thought we might be wrong, but the fact that we were on the right path was confirmed by a local and we went on our merry way. We parked under a mango tree, doused ourselves with bug spray (because there were eighty million flies buzzing around us and who knows what else), and started on our path.

Brett led the way, taking all of the cobwebs out for us and beating down the very tall grass so us short people could comfortably (HA) trail behind. We could hear the waterfall from the car, and Brett said was the first time that had happened for him- that made me excited to get there and see it. As we walked toward the waterfall, the roar got louder and louder, and finally, the grass parted and we saw the river full of water and raging toward the waterfall. As we explored the rocks a little, I tested the water to find a strong current. Then Brett took us down the side of the mountain to the base of the waterfall.  
It was magnificent. The water was pounding, and by the time I made it to the farthest point I could, we were shouting to communicate, and the backs of my ears were stinging from the water hitting them. Brett and Bethany came as far as I did and we spent some time looking through the “rain” at the beautiful sunset God gave us to look at. My words cannot do the waterfall justice, so I am not even going to try. Just let me tell you it was incredible, and I will never forget it.

So, drenched and blessed, we retreated from the base of the waterfall and realized that night was quickly approaching. We started to head back to the car... and took a few wrong turns. By the time we found our mango tree, it was dark and we were glad to see the car. Brett had resorted to standing on a rock and pushing the button to trigger the lights on the truck to find our way. We got in the car, called April to assure her of our safety, then drove home, soggy but content.

God is good. He reminds me of this every day. Open your eyes to His reminders to you. I love you.

This is the cool little rock house we saw along the way to Yaka from Codhani. It was super creative and an amazing bit of architecture.

Loneliness

2009-10-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

In the past few days, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how God uses our loneliness to remind us that we need Him. I think it’s a beautiful way that our natural human desires draw us closer to Him. Sometimes I think I’m a person standing alone in a crowded room. The kind of loneliness I have isn’t the kind that is solved by eating dinner at someone’s house or watching Casablanca with the girls—although both of those things are nice. The kind of loneliness I have is the soul-kind, the kind that needs another Being to know me, not my favorite color or my favorite food, but Someone who knows my very essence.

Yesterday, in the midst of a particularly rough situation, I was washing dishes and thinking about how much I wanted someone to talk to about everything at that moment. Then, I literally said to myself in my head, “Duh, Jacque, God is always here to talk to, and He always has all the answers!” It seems so silly that I have to remind myself of this constantly, that just because I don’t have someone here in flesh and blood doesn’t by any stretch of the imagination mean I’m alone in this world. Hugs are fantastic, but knowing God cares more about me than I can even imagine is indescribable. That knowledge gives me a peace unattainable anywhere else.

Bethany, Sarah, and I started the Believing God study by Beth Moore last Sunday. This is the first time I’ve done a Beth Moore study, and I love it. Bethany got the workbook before she left, so we all have “homework” that we do each day. This week, there were five statements of faith introduced that I would like to share with you. They are as follows:

1. God is Who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things to Christ.
5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

I feel like these principles are simple statements that every Christian knows, but statements that very few have given themselves the opportunity to believe. I know God is always there for me, but I feel like I’ve missed the boat on believing that He is. There are so many reasons this simple truth is the biggest truth in our lives, yet I feel like so many people I love struggle with believing it; I certainly struggle.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” My prayer for the beautiful souls surrounding me both physically and spiritually is that the peace promised when we come to Him will permeate our beings.

The Hardest Part of Being in Africa...

2009-10-06T12:36:00.002-05:00

I've had a couple of hard days since I've been here, but nothing that I wouldn't have had if I was anywhere else in the world. Today was one of those hard days- it had hardly anything to do with me, and I need to ask for prayers.

My friend Scott McEndree has a beautiful wife and four beautiful children. I'm quite attached to the McEndree family, for many reasons. They are an incredible Godly family that has impacted me greatly in the past four years that I've known them. Scott is currently fighting a battle with cancer, and they flew down to Reno, Nevada since the last time I had internet to try some natural cancer treatment options there. When they got there, Scott ended up in the hospital, had surgery, and is now doing better, but not fantastic.

At every step along the way, Scott and Bonita have shown nothing but faith in and love for God through the roller coaster that is Scott's cancer battle. I've been fighting to do the same.

Please join me in praying for the McEndree clan, as they do the treatments in Reno and continue to strive in their faith. I want to ask a particular prayer for Mac, Rhone, Ayla, and Alia. They're young and this is hard for me to understand at 22, and I'm not sure it gets easier with age, anyway.

I love you. Thank you.

Visit:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/scottmcendree

for the story.

News

2009-10-03T16:06:00.001-05:00

Well, I’m learning lessons every day, though not all of them are new ones. Here are some news snippets of what has happened since the last time I posted.

Peter Dexter was very sick and didn’t make it. He was acting off, so he went to the vet, and then the morning after, he was unable to stand up. So, alas, yesterday, our beloved African goat died. The Kennell’s guardian, Joseph, came and took him away from the school so we didn’t have to deal with it yesterday during school. Joseph also buried PD for us... I’m not sure what we would have done if he hadn’t done that for us.

School is going well- I’m dealing with some strong-willed children, so there are some challenges, but overall, I love teaching the 4th graders! At the end of school every day, after we have hustled the kids out the gate, I collapse on the futon usually with the other teachers and we lay there and decide what we’re going to do for the rest of the time we have until our next activity. Last night, we had some time before we went to the Hangen household for dinner, and we decided to spend that time walking to the mini-market close to our house to get more credit for the cell phone Becky got for us (Thanks again, Becky!) and bananas. We also stopped by Sante Plus, the pharmacy closest to us, to get more malaria medicine. I got two boxes of doxycycline- I’m going to try it for a couple of weeks.

Fun random story: when we were standing in line at Sante Plus, a very well-dressed man driving a very nice vehicle came in to get something. As he came in and stood in line behind us, I caught a whiff of him (which, I know, sounds so strange). He smelled SO GOOD!!! He was wearing cologne, maybe a bit too much (or maybe my nose is just super sensitive to those kinds of smells now), but it was one of the best smells I’ve smelled since I got here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like it always smells bad here, but I’m not spraying extra good smelly stuff on myself, in hopes of convincing the bugs to leave me alone. So, that quick smell of that man’s cologne was wonderful... it’s the little things in life, right?

We started Meet the Robinsons yesterday, which is, I’ve decided, the epitome of my humor. I love that movie- I recommend it for everyone, because it’s clean, clever, adorable, and it has a fantastic message!

Matt picked us up, and we went to his and Grace’s house for calzones and The Office (this season! I can stay caught up with the lives of Jim and Pam from Togo, who woulda thought?!?!), and good (always significant) conversation. Matt Hangen doesn’t mess around when he wants to talk about theology or social issues or anything else huge, for that matter, and we’re learning that he doesn’t often NOT want to talk about those things! It’s good though- I need to learn more than I know, and Matt is a smart, great guy with lots of experience in lots of different areas of some of those issues. And you can’t beat The Office towards the end of a long school week- thank you TBS for the break.

This morning, I woke up grumpy, which meant I snapped, which meant I had some apologizing to do to my beautiful housemates. The things I said were things I needed to say, but I didn’t say them in a way I needed to say them. The interesting part of living here in Togo is that my social circle is quite limited. I went from living at Harding University with a million friends, to Kara, Togo, West Africa, where I live with three girls my age, work with eight kids who are school age, spend a good amount of time with four toddlers, socialize with ten missionaries on my team and eight people on the other team in town... it’s a little different. I love it. It’s great. Relationships will get deeper than they ever could back at glorious Harding. But still, I have some adjusting to do. Just thought I would be honest about it.

We had our fourth dance class tonight! It was great- I hope to break from my instruction for long enough to take some pictures soon.

In other news: we had pizza at the Miller homestead, school is out for the week, we’re going swimming on Monday, we have a future Settlers of Catan party almost scheduled, my toenails are pink, and life is really beautiful.   I’m thinking about and missing all of you. Love.

"Be Prepared" and "Lately..."

2009-09-21T05:35:00.004-05:00

I feel like I should start every one of my blogs with "Today we had an adventure," but that would get repetitive and boring, and since I'm teaching the kids about writing, I know that would be not entertaining to my audience. See, I'm learning just as much as I'm teaching! Despite the fact that I'm learning about good writing, I feel this entry wouldn't be starting right without those words. So...
Sunday we had an adventure. We got up and got ready to go on a hike with Brett. Preparation consisted of putting on clothes we didn't mind getting wet in, lots of bug spray, and climbed in a car with Brett Emerson, Mark Kennell, and Ryan Richardson. We drove a little out of town, climbed out of the car, and started hiking up a gentle slope of a mountain. The group reached some water, passed it, then turned back to follow the stream close on the bank. As we started on our new path through the corn field, we had a little mishap.

A few Wet Ones later (I come prepared!), we hiked back to the truck to doctor up Bethany's freshly-cut-on-a-corn-stalk foot. She had caught a stalk between some of her toes and sliced up one of her toes really well. I was super concerned about infection, because getting a cut on your foot is not good anywhere, but especially not here in Africa where we wear flip-flops and Chacos when we're not barefoot and it's humid, and muddy, during rainy season! When we got back to the truck, Brett pulled out his first aid kit and I doctored up Bethany's foot- because her foot needed doctoring and I needed busy hands!

Her toe is doing much better now- she has kept it clean and covered (when it needed to be) and open when it has been safe to. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, and we are thankful for that, and the speedy recovery is quite a blessing, too!!

The first part of this post was started on Sunday immediately after the incident. The rest of the post is from today- sorry I don't get things posted as often as I want to, but know I am stockpiling stories all day every day!

Now starts the blog entitled "Lately..."

I miss lots of people. According to my dream last night, I miss American Eagle, too! I woke up this morning laughing at myself because of a dream I had where I came home for the weekend and went to the mall and Starbucks and Jimmy White’s condo for a youth group event (which is funny, because he is a missionary here in Kara, too!). The next morning, I had to get back to the airport for my plane back, but then I couldn’t find my ticket and passport... it was amusing. Then, I woke up sweating, because it’s SO warm at night!!!

There’s my little piece of information about my night last night. Now I’d like to tell you about my days! On Thursday, my girl, Michal, went home with a fever and turned out to have malaria and an amoeba and an infection... she’s a little sick. So, it’s just been me and the boys for the past few days, and will continue to be until my beautiful little Michal recovers from her horrible sicknesses. I told the boys the other day that they cannot continue to use me as a crutch- “I’m a human being, not a chunk of wood, so you can’t continue to use me as such!” The primary words that exit my mouth are, “Read the instructions and YOU tell ME what you should do next.” It’s great... but really, I love teaching. It’s quite fun!! My goal is to have the basics of reading directions and following them, as well as basic spelling down before I let them graduate on to fifth grade. Those of you who know me know that I’m stubborn enough to reach this goal! However, I will most definitely be held up on my feet by our Wonderful Savior, so prayers would be welcome and appreciated.

I’ve loved reading the comments I’ve gotten- Facebook messages and blog comments make my heart soar. My life has taken a turn for the even-more-interesting-than-it-was-before with the way I experience life. I miss Harding a lot, and I miss my friends all over the world. Even today, Aidan wore his Haka shirt that he got from Andrew. And I'm trying to teach the boys to recognize the States and be able to name them on our "Markable Map" (brilliant teaching tool) and I keep thinking about who I know in each state.

Please know and understand I'm not unhappy- I love it here. I love the missionaries, I love the kids, and I love the way I learn so much about the simplest things every day here! For example, did you know that to make brown sugar, you just take normal sugar and add molasses? Maybe you did, but I sure didn't. I've learned that goats are herd animals and Peter Dexter would be much happier with a friend. I've learned that goats really don't like baths, even with 2-in-1 shampoo that smells like cherries. I've watched half of Kingdom of Heaven (we stopped at "intermission" of the director's cut to be continued at a later date). I've learned the difference between all of the blocky states in the Western US. I've re-learned how to write a business letter. And I've learned that I will never be finished learning.

For those of you who don't know, I love animals. Our house at times in the past has been quite the zoo. One constant in the Breuer Zoo has been Chewbacca, our little Pekingese-Yorkie mix who we got when I was in fifth grade from one of my classmates (Adam Thompson!). On Wednesday after team worship, I called my mother and discovered that Chewy was hit by a car that morning. That's not easy ever, but being across the world makes it that much harder. I also got some other news that night, of the personal nature, that made it a hard night. However, enter lesson two... it didn't make it a bad night. Bad events do not make bad nights, they make choices. So, I chose to look at the blessings in my life- we had our first successful ballet/tap class that afternoon, I downloaded chapel, the team loves me and I love them, there are beautiful people in my life here, I have so many opportunities to learn about life, and I have a loving Savior who will never forsake me.

Am I always happy? Do I always have a smile on my face? Am I always a ray of sunshine to those around me? No, unfortunately, not by a long-shot. But, I'm trying. Goodness, I'm trying. Please pray for continued strength as I become the woman of God He has called me to be.

I love you. I'm thinking of you.

This is a picture of Coke's marketing in Kara. This is a man putting up a sign at the bar near our house where we go to get sodas. The man who runs the bar speaks English, which was a cool discovery the first time we went there- we're making friends!!

The Beginning of This Week

2009-09-19T14:37:00.003-05:00

Here is a list of snippets of what we did this week:
We walked to the market and the Miller homestead.
I taught science! We’re learning about the solar system.
I have almost finished my antibiotics for strep.
We had our first almost-whole team worship (Mark was in Accra picking up the team’s future teammates, the Richardsons (Ryan, Beth, Katie, Jonah, and Aaron).
I was kept up all night by a high-pitched squeak our fan was making that I tried to fix with Pam in the middle of the night. The next day, the electrician came and made our fan not squeak. Right after the electrician fixed our fan, Joseph brought us our new goat, Peter Dexter. So, as one sleep deterrent was solved, another one was added- but we do have a goat, which is super exciting!!

Goat story time!
Here is the story of our goat so far. This afternoon, during my class’s French time, my “free” time, Bethany yells up the stairs into the apartment where I was putting the final touches on my solar system powerpoint, “Jacque! The goat’s here!” I kept hearing, “Jacque! The boat’s here!” and I was so confused as to what a boat was doing so far inland, especially at the school house. So, I came down the stairs and Bethany repeated herself (which I understood this time), so I went outside and met our little new addition to the KCA teacher family! After getting Sarah to talk to Joseph and cost, we paid Joseph, and we had a new pet. Of course, all of the kids had to take turns petting the goat- a school day isn’t complete without surprises!

After school, the lady who cleans the school house, Irene, came and we excitedly led her out back to see the goat. Sarah asked her what goats ate, and she told us that they eat the leaves off of corn. We don’t have access to corn (there’s lots around, but it’s not ours), so we tried to give it mangoes and carrots and milk and water, but he kept bleating. Sarah, Bethany, and I tried to take naps/relax, but Peter Dexter (we named him right before our nap-time) kept making noise. At the end of our nap, Bethany and I came down to try to feed PD some more mango, which he would have none of. He kept bleating and bleating, sounding so unhappy! Then, Irene showed back up bearing a gift of corn-husk leaves for PD! He immediately got quiet as he ate his new food. Irene must have thought we were crazy trying to feed the goat mango! She smiled at us, then with an “au revoir” and a wave, she left. I’m fairly certain that she finished her work at the school house then went out of her way to get PD some food- she’s so sweet!!

PD needs a friend- he bleated all night, too. I’m not sure what we’re going to do about it, but I was up two times with him in the night, trying to quiet him. The last time was 5:30 when Bethany and I were both outside trying to make him comfortable. Since our alarm goes off at 6am, 5:30 was not a happy time to be awake and comforting a loud goat. We ended up bringing him inside that second time because the weather was a bit violent, and he’s just a little guy.   So, now you’ve heard a little about our goat. I’m planning on writing anther post on some deep conversation/thought I’ve been having lately, but I figured you guys needed to hear about our new pet before you heard about anything else! I love you all bunches, and I hope you are all doing well.

C’est la Vie

2009-09-12T13:45:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's been a while since I posted- we were busy trying to get ready for school, which started today. The following post is a post I wrote over the span of Thursday and Friday. Sorry there are no pictures- I have a lot of laminated jungle animals, but not many photos to show off yet :-D. Enjoy reading about my latest life adventure.

Well, I’ve successfully survived my first brush with sickness in Africa! No, it wasn’t malaria, nor was it anything else that would be particular to Togo; I had a virus that gave me a splitting headache (constant. For two days. Including nights. Ugh), a cycling fever, and moderate fatigue for two days. Then, when I woke up the third morning with no headache and was celebrating, I had the beginnings of strep throat! Let me tell you, though, after the headache, strep was a welcome guest! I’m on antibiotics now (which, I feel I should mention, are incredibly easy to get here!), in the process of healing completely, just in time for school to start!

I feel like I should tell you about about the sickness saga. My headache started on Monday evening (after my glorious haircut!) and kept me awake for about three hours before I was conscious enough to go take some advil. That same headache continued through the whole of Tuesday with the same intensity, no matter how many pain relievers I took, with the exception of a few hours that evening during Kennell dinner/meet Lisa time. So, by 5am of Wednesday, after not sleeping for two nights and having this super intense headache for a day, I was a puddle of emotion! I got up to check my temperature because of how my body felt (you know, the achy, hot-chills, complete with tossing and turning and moaning?) and had a fever of 102˚. I decided to try to diagnose what I had by looking in Sarah’s intern book, and it said that a cycling fever, headache, and fatigue were all possible symptoms of malaria. The other girls woke up and I proceeded to cry and tell them my prediction. The next day, when Nicole got to the school, I hopped in the car and we went to the clinic where they pricked my finger to check for parasites (because that’s what malaria is caused by). That afternoon, after I had stayed in bed all day (mostly) because I couldn’t do anything with my headache, Nicole came in and told me it was just a virus. I told her that I almost wished I had malaria because then it could be treated and it would make a good story! She said “what difference does it make if you can’t put the label of “malaria” on it if this is how malaria feels?” So, basically, instead of getting malaria, I got something that healed faster than malaria would have- Someone is looking out for me.

We were supposed to start school on Friday, but a bridge went out somewhere between here and Accra, so the travelers are stuck somewhere that isn’t here. We’ve decided to postpone the first day of school until Saturday, when our beautiful kiddos will be ready to start with bright smiles and lots of energy! I have to say that I’m grateful for the delay; not being able to work for the past few days has taken its toll on my classroom that is still kind of threadbare. My curriculum is ready, but my classroom isn’t quite what I envisioned for Miss Jacque, fourth grade teacher extraordinaire. Hopefully this extra day will let me get on top of my very clean, but very boring room.

I like to look like I have it all together. I spend quite a bit of time attempting to actually have it all together, and I can say with confidence that I never do. I like to be independent, but these past few days I’ve realized I just can’t be. I need people- I have cried about not having my mom to nurse me while I was sick more than once in the past 60 hours. I miss the easy access of communication that comes with a simple phone line, because I miss so many people back home!!   Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to be here, still. It’s just one of those things that comes with living life- missing people and places.

Tonight, Bethany asked Nicole if I could go with her for a little bit to use her internet. Because I lost two days of work in my classroom, I chose to stay here at the schoolhouse for the evening. After I voiced my decision, some concern was expressed about my emotional and psychological well-being, which was probably warranted. It’s common for someone who got sick really soon after arriving to soon-thereafter struggle with depression, as a part of culture shock. I was reminded about my incredibly fever-tinted first impressions (and second and third and fourth... it was a long two weeks!) of my beautiful Italia. When I tried to explain what I thought, I was quickly reminded, “This isn’t Italy!”

Of course, I know that. I mean, it would be difficult for me to not notice the differences. Togo is beautiful, full of adventure, cooking, power outages (which should also fall under the category of adventure!), and my new life of being a fourth grade teacher. Italy will always have a grasp on my heart, but Kara has already gotten a pretty good hold, too.

The point I definitely did not articulate well at all is that I think, for me at least, culture shock is more controlled by attitude than environment. I’m certainly not keeping the attitude I should, but I feel like blaming my bad habits on culture shock is a cop-out! I have failures, and I have so many things I would change about so many aspects of me, but those have been the same in lots of places so far in my life. I would be crying about missing Harding if I was in Missouri, New Zealand, or Kara, Togo, West Africa... and have. I would have moments of harsh comments coming out of my mouth, insecurities about my abilities to perform in my new role (whatever role that might be), and things to adapt to in my living space (although in Missouri, lizards aren’t quite as prominent by the washing machine!).

So, if you’re reading this, know I love and miss you. And please pray for my attitude. God’s love is enough to pull me through any trial I might encounter, but I need to make the decision to let Him lead me. Anyway, please don’t be worried about this post, I just needed to get some of my newly developed thoughts out to those I love who aren’t with me here. Keep me and the girls in your prayers as we start on our new journey.

My Grand Adventure

2009-09-01T15:37:00.003-05:00

I've been in Togo for a week now. So far, the missionaries have driven us to and from their houses and other events. It's been fantastic, because during rainy season, it's muddy and there's always a chance we'll get caught in the rain.

I have a story. Yesterday, we were babysitting at the Emerson's house for their little boys Caden and Corban when it started to downpour. Well, I brought my iPhone to Togo with me which has been super fantastic because I use it as a portable music player that everyone can listen to. Yesterday, before Brett (Emerson) came to pick us up, I had been washing dishes in the kitchen, rocking out to The Last Five Years soundtrack. I had paused the music when I heard whistling from Brett trying to get our attention (our phone doesn't work on a regular basis). I then set my iPhone back down... on the window sill next to our open window (which is kind of a story in itself- our window coverings consist of screens and slanted pieces of glass that open/close, but never completely seal).

So, Bethany, Sarah, and I are at the Emerson's, listening to Tiggy (the Emerson's pet monkey) howl at the storm and watching VeggieTales with the boys when all of the sudden, I realize that not only have we not closed our windows, but my iPhone is sitting right next to one of them. At this point, we're not sure how the storms work with the wind and where water comes in, but it doesn't really matter- my iPhone was in danger and my active imagination was telling me that things were not good. So Sarah and I decide to go back to the apartment to close the windows. We leave Bethany with the boys and the house workers outside (including the night guard- she was safe!), and we proceed to walk to our apartment.

We know the basic path. We've never done the travel, but it can't be that hard! It's fairly easy to explain, so of course we can do it! It's light outside, and we're ready to conquer this challenge. So, we set out.

Our first step was to take a left out of the Emerson's house, a left onto the road, and a right off of that road. Well, we took a right waaaaaay too soon. A few small rivers, lots of laughing Africans, a downpour, a couple of wrong turns, and some laughter later, we found our apartment. 45 minutes after we had left, we made it back to the Emerson's much, much wiser.

In the following picture, you can see that we're each wearing a pagne (pronounced pan-yuh) to be modest when outside of western style homes. The one I'm wearing is the one I got at the market- lots of colors and I love it!!

New Church Experiences!

2009-08-30T14:42:00.004-05:00

Today is Sunday. Sunday is church day. So for church this morning, Sarah, Bethany and I went with the Kennell family to the village of Njei, where we found out they weren't having church this morning. So, we proceeded to trek on a footpath to the village of Ewede where we worshiped with the people there. It was, of course, all in Kabiye, so I spent time looking around and listening intently for words I could recognize. There was one little girl with whom I kept making eye contact, so I would smile and make faces at her- her reaction was always to smile with her mouth closed which would quickly turn into a full-tooth grin! It was pretty fantastic.

I have so many things I want to tell you about. Like yesterday's wall spider fun, and Brett's pet monkey, and the adorable Emerson boys using me as a jungle gym, and the super tiny goats we saw today, and the African food experience we had the other day, and the market experience we had yesterday with the pagnas and the nasty meat and feet sticking out into the walking path, and the baby who is afraid of white people... but I can't possibly do that. So, instead, I'm going to give you a glimpse into my Moleskine notes I took during church!

1. A smile is universal.
2. Church can be long or short, depending on rain.
3. I can tell when someone is generous and serving even when I can tell what is being said.
4. There is a lot of joy in African worship.
5. I know the Ameya song, and that's nice.
6. We should sit in the chairs first because if we don't, they'll ask us to.
7. Preachers passionately raise their voice in Africa, too.
8. I am only a part of the body- I have gifts. I need to serve as a servant, teach as a teacher, encourage as an encourager, give generously as a giver, govern diligently as a leader and show mercy cheerfully as a human. I need to work on this.
9. "Love must be sincere." Romans 12:9a.
10. Cell phones go off during African church, too.
11."Hold on to the good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21b.

One more thing I want to share before I end this post. Today at lunch, we were talking about music and how we woke up to loud, American worship music today coming from the Nigerian church next door to our apartment. Then Nicole said this:

"If you hear Celine Dion, you know its a bar."

I laughed for quite a while.

I love you all, and I hope you are all doing well. I would love to have some comments with questions to prompt me to write more interesting/more applicable things!

Here we are

2009-08-27T14:28:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was big- we saw our primary place of residence and work! We went to the school house after a fantastic breakfast of toast and coffee (I am starting to realize that I really really like coffee). It's so interesting driving around here, because it's so utterly different than anything I've ever seen before in my life- it's beautiful in a very-different-from-America way.

At the schoolhouse, we had a little orientation to our workplace then went up to our apartment to see where we would be living for the next nine months. Basically, that meant we laid on the bed and made a list (mostly for my comfort) of things to do in the next couple of weeks before school starts.

We explored our balcony and roof a little then headed back down to the schoolhouse where we had a little introduction to the personalities in the classes, to help us decide which class we would be teaching. Here is the rundown of that:

Bethany- 6th graders and Art class
Jacque- 4th graders and Ballet class
Sarah- Kindergarteners and French class

I also find out that Bethany and I get to take French lessons! I think it will help me to not have culture shock quite as badly as I would otherwise- knowing/learning the language as well as building a relationship with people in the local community is so important. Last night after dinner, we went to the Hangen's house for Bible Study/singing, and it was nice. We had chocolate chip cookies- YAY!!

Today we went back to the school/apartment and worked through more things. Nicole took us through the math curriculum this morning, then Bethany and I went through the core curriculum this afternoon with her, which was kind of overwhelming. I know things are going to go amazingly well, but it's scary at this point to think of myself as a teacher. It's a new thing!

We had some fun jumping on the trampoline time and then an amazing dinner. Now we're sitting in the living room all working on blog things. We've decided to do a blog for the parent newsletter, and I will post that link later, so you all can see what we're doing in school.

Sorry this post is kind of late and drawn out. Life has been a little busy since we got here, just getting used to the differences. I'm hoping to be a little more consistent than I have been, but who knows what the future holds?

London

2009-08-24T06:41:00.001-05:00

We made it to London!! All of our bags were checked successfully, we made it to our gate, and we even convinced people to move so we could sit together on the plane. Currently, we are sitting by the toilets crossing our fingers that our internet doesn't drop us, and getting ready to figure out which gate we need to be at in an hour.

We're tired, but we're great. I hope everyone is doing well- I love you all. I promise I'll post more later.

Be a Blessing

2009-05-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight, the preacher (I think he's one of two) here in Palmerston North, Nathan Paki, told myself, Andrea, and one of the girls from Tauranga that the fun and encouragement we had today/tonight was an answer to his prayers. He said that the Palmerston North congregation has had some rough times as of late, and our energy and love and encouragement has been a blessing. I've been needing some love and encouragement too, so here are the two lessons I got from what Nate said tonight:

1. God answers prayers in beautiful ways, allowing us to see His face in those around us. He gives us the social and emotional tools to build relationships with those who need us and whom we need.

2. We never know what good is being done by our smile.

Be a blessing. Play with the kids. Smile at someone with sad eyes. Pick up a random piece of trash. Serve others. Make some Queen's Holiday crowns, have a tickle war, eat a kebab barefoot like a hobbit, and don't be afraid to karaoke. God loves you and He works though you; you are His.